How to Tell if You Need Better Boundaries

it's important to your mental health to set healthy boundaries
Unhealthy boundaries can increase feelings of depression, anxiety and relapses.

When people don’t set boundaries well with others, it becomes glaringly evident. They start feeling more depressed, miserable and anxious. They feel their life is filled with constant drama & chaos. Situations feel well, suffocating. Typically life is full of chaos because others are not respecting any boundaries which always causes problems and especially with mood.

not setting boundaries can cause mental health issues
Unhealthy boundary signs

If this article has found you are feeling like life sucked any fun or enjoyment out of your day, it may be because of other’s bad behaviors. It becomes evident that healthy boundaries are not being put into place.

What is a boundary

First, let’s talk about what is a boundary and why should you set them.  The Webster definition of boundary is sort of complicated.  There are different forms of the definition like an actual fence and the type we are going to discuss is the “unofficial rules about what should not be done; limits that define acceptable behavior.”

So healthy boundaries are being able to define acceptable behavior or conduct. Let’s talk about how you can tell if you need better boundaries in your life and then how you can start to change that. 

You probably need better boundaries in your life if you feel like:

  • Relationships with others are exhausting & pretty dramatic
  • Making decisions is really, really hard for you
  • If you feel like you don’t feel respected, valued or heard
  • You worry about what other people think
  • You feel guilty a lot & even over little things

The benefits of setting boundaries in your life are awesome. You will start to feel better about yourself and your situation. You will have more energy. No more feeling completely drained emotionally & physically after dealing with toxic people. They are energy vampires. You will feel more independent and strong. Total win-win here.

Benefits of setting boundaries
Benefits of setting healthy boundaries are feeling better about yourself

Tips to begin to address changing and setting healthy boundaries in your life

  • Talking to a counselor may help you discover why you have been accepting bad behaviors from others & where this began (hint: typically, in childhood)
  • Sitting by yourself identifying core values & beliefs
    • (example: treat others how you want to be treated)
  • Create a journal list of 5 non-negotiable standards of behavior that you will & will not accept from others 
  • Work on feeling more confident and building your self-esteem

BTW as you start putting healthy boundaries or these standards of conduct that you will accept into your life into place, be prepared. The toxic, unhealthy people’s behaviors will get worse before it gets better and they will act out because they are not getting their way. Typically by manipulating, bullying or intimidating you. Think of these behaviors as an adult size temper tantrum because that is what it is.

It’s perfectly ok to stick with your boundaries, your stress will actually decrease. The toxic person is being forced to comply with your boundaries in order to interact with you. Guess what and if they don’t oh well- they will exit your life. Remember you are making them respect you and your boundaries. It’s so truly empowering!

For some help with this

As you can tell, most of the tips to start changing the situation will need some help from a counselor but you know what at least you can identify if you do in fact have an issue with healthy boundary setting and that’s a great start. 

If you are still unsure if you have a problem with boundaries, please feel free to reach out to me at (727) 815-6017 or check out book a session if you would like to talk about your situation in a session. I can help you figure out if this is a problem in your life and suggest the next step for you to start to change this.

To learn more about me, check out my LinkedIn profile

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