I work with people who suffer from being addicted all sorts of things and not just drugs and alcohol. Addictions can come in the form of negative thinking, shopping too much, gambling, gaming, toxic relationships, any type of behavior that is over the top in a compulsive way.
If you are reading this, chances are you have a loved one, family member or friend who has an addiction or at the very least you suspect they are addicted to drugs or alcohol. In my work, I have noticed common misconceptions families are unaware of when it comes to addiction, which is a complicated disease that I would like to discuss on behalf of your addict or alcoholic.
They did not choose to be addicted to anything
I have never met a young child who listed a career/life goal of becoming a drug addict, alcoholic, gambler, compulsive shopper or parolee. Addiction is a brain disease not a moral failing.
Use of drugs and alcohol or even compulsions change the brain. There is tons of research and findings that prove this. If you want to learn about it, do a simple google search. There are tons of research studies. Addiction is now characterized as a brain disease and not a personal choice.
Stopping is actually quite terrifying to them
Your loved one uses drugs to “escape” their feelings. It’s ineffective of course and destructive but they have not learned healthy coping strategies for previous trauma, dysfunctional family systems or other mental health issues to put into place. Therapy can be helpful for some once the medical issues are stabilized.
Your nagging, bitching, eyerolls, sarcasm will not stop this disease.
Many addicts and alcoholics say their families and friends just don’t get it. They don’t listen and this causes an addiction to get worse. The “helpful” comments are not helpful. They increase the thoughts of self-loathing and shame.
Stop the comments/humiliation, use healthy communication or distraction to help an addict see there is a healthy way to do life. Right now, they understand that drugs/alcohol are not the healthy way, but they are lost. Haven’t you ever felt lost at some point in your life? Unsure where to go? If you answer no, you are not being truthful to yourself. We all have felt that way at some point.
They don’t like themselves
The shame of having an addiction is huge and it causes many people a lot of pain. Addicts are in a lot of emotional pain. Pain from trauma, pain from not feeling worthy, pain that they can’t stop and the list goes on. How can you help them? By showing them unconditional love, not enabling love. So when they ask for money, say no, set healthy boundaries for you and them.
You cannot dictate their rock bottom.
There is a personal growth component to recovery. If a family member keeps posting bail or helping an addict out in some way, it can alleviate the short-term pain but there will be no long-term gain. The behavior will continue.
Many say there is a rock bottom. I believe there is to some degree but it’s a personal journey and that person must discover that for themselves. Family & friends can’t “help” a person get to their rock bottom any faster than they get there. It’s frustrating and worrisome I get it. Addiction is a war on the mind, body & soul and unfortunately, we cannot stop it. The addict/alcoholic must stop it.
Maybe it takes them to sit in jail for a few days, lose their home, lose their kids temporarily but the addict has to discover what their rock bottom is personally to them and then they decide how to get back what they have lost. If they aren’t ready the addiction will continue because they haven’t got to this point of self-discovery.
Final Thoughts for Family/Friends
So to close, I hope this article helps you understand a little bit more about how the addict/alcoholic is thinking and that really there is not much you can do to stop them being addicted to drugs and alcohol. They have to take that step for themselves but you can provide emotional support along the way and encouragement that there is a way out. Hope can help fuel a recovery and the 12 step meetings prove there are many people who have overcome these issues.
If you should know an addict/alcoholic that is serious about changing their situation, please click the link to book a free 15 min recovery journey strategy call. There are many solutions to addiction that can be helpful to your family member and the family as a whole.
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