Another dysfunctional family holiday. I know (enter huge sigh) ….everyone loves the turkey, stuffing & pumpkin pie 😊 but how about negative family comments, the jealousy, the friendly sibling rivalry which is all but not friendly? Yeah I didn’t think very stress-free especially if you are new to recovery. This can cause a huge relapse risk for you if not planned in advance.
Also don’t feel bad if you are checking this out, you know why according to John Bradshaw, family systems therapy advocate, states 97% of all families have some type of dysfunction.
Yep, yours, mine and the other guys so no worries that you are alone right 😉 So here are some quick tips to help you manage through this day.
Create a quick escape plan
Instead of falling prey to a trigger that could start a relapse, figure out a quick escape plan. Examples of a plan could be: you will be the runner to the store for more ice or butter or rolls, whatever just to go out to the local 7-11 & get a breather. They’ll be open.
I’m not one for lying but sometimes a little white lie is necessary if it is going to keep you clean and sober. So a few more examples may be getting some type of awful migraine & need to go lay down for a bit or even having to run back home because of the dog.
It’s really important to put yourself first in this area because most people relapse during or after a holiday with their family.
Here’s why…. old stuff gets dragged back up, comments are said that are meant to be hurtful, arguing happens or someone else gets drunk and then it starts to look like the Jerry Springer show on steroids.
You can manage this by simply planning. If you already know so & so gets drunk at every family get together, then you know it will probably happen this year so create a plan for that.
Stay Away from Hot Topics
Not the store, I mean politics and religion. Nothing can start a family argument quicker than those 2 topics. I grew up in a household where both political parties were represented and sometimes not in a good way.
My best advice stay away from these conversations. If it comes up, it is perfectly ok to excuse yourself from the table or leave the room until it settles down.
It is perfectly ok for you to set a healthy boundary and try to change the conversation to another topic. For example, you can say, “I don’t feel comfortable discussing this anymore, let’s change the subject.”
Go to a Meeting
If the situation is too high risk for you, in which being around the fighting, the drama, “I’m just trying to be helpful” but not really comments are too much, google a meeting.
There is a reason that the 12 step clubs offer 24 hour meetings around these big holidays because most people with substance abuse issues have dysfunctional families.
So the take away is if you feel like going to a meeting, go to a meeting. The great part is you will not be alone, you will be around others that needed a break from the drama and it will help you put your recovery back into perspective.
Final thoughts are if you create a plan for your upcoming dysfunctional family holiday or at the very least think about how you are going to handle situations that you know are going to come up, you will be less likely to relapse and more likely to enjoy at least part of the yummy meal.
If you would like to reach out to me about this, please feel free to do so I offer a free phone consultation and can help you create a quick strategy to help you stay clean and sober during this holiday. So give me a call (727)815-6017 & let’s talk about it or you can fill out this form & I will get a hold of you. Happy Thanksgiving!!!
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