In the end of 2017 & early 2018, I lost both parents, and this is the real first holiday season when I can’t speak to one of them. Thanksgiving and Black Friday just passed which was important to them and grief during the holidays well it’s hard.
My father was one of those 4 am Black Friday wait in the line shoppers, so I fondly remember times when he and my nephew would wait for hours for the best deal on anything tech at the local Best Buy. My mother was a big time Black Friday shopper also. She would always update me on her latest great deals/finds that day.
Anyways this past weekend has been tough on me, so I figured I would share how I have been able to stay sane and somewhat cope with the overwhelming emotions that this time of year brings to people who are coping with grief and the holidays without resorting to alcohol or drugs. (Booze was my go to thing for a long while & I consider myself lucky to get free from it’s ugly clutches)
Soooooo if you are finding yourself depressed, sad, angry, unable to cope this list is for you 😊
- Cry if you have too. It’s better to deal with emotions than bottle them up.
- Eat plenty of things you love this time of year when you want it. (I’m thinking pumpkin pie for breakfast with a bunch of cool whip – Yummy & Completely Awesome!!! )
- Focus on self-care. If you can’t sleep at night, take a nap during the day. Be kind to yourself because this is very hard.
- Watch a funny holiday movie. I’m thinking of Elf. I watched it yesterday and it always brings a smile to my face until the end because it’s touching and then I typically get teary eyed or cry. Damn holiday movies! I totally avoid Hallmark and Lifetime during this season for real.
- Avoid people & parties that will have booze, weed or Xanax. It’s just better to bow out before a bad decision is made and you feel guilty or shame about the bad choice after the fact.
- Decorate the house or distract yourself with hanging those darn Christmas lights. Untangling the mess will distract you for a bit 😉 they are always tangled or at least mine are.
- Buy yourself something nice for Black Friday even something small like new, super soft slippers they are always on sale cheap somewhere.
Ok for those of you that are thinking isn’t she pushing stuffing my emotions with stuff, food and such. Well for me, it works because I have battled with disordered eating most of my life. When I get upset, I typically don’t eat and that’s not good for me (too much weight loss).
So during this time my plan is totally prioritize eating what I like, when I want it as well as some healthy habits like vitamins and such because if I don’t I resort back to the old habits of not eating anything because of overwhelming emotions and the dark spiral of negative thoughts begins.
Also if you are reading this article, people that have issues with substances or eating disorders typically put others first which is nice because of the season of giving but realistically it typically is to the detriment of themselves (codependency).
In other words, you do not focus on yourself being healthy but focus on others to the extreme. With that being said, I focus on me because hey, this is a tough part of the year for me so I will focus on being kind to myself as well as others but the priority is me.
In summary, the main way to make the holiday season go a bit smoother for you is to focus on self-care. It means to make yourself the priority in a healthy way.
If you are struggling with grief and the holidays know that you are totally not alone, I get it unfortunately truly I do. Make a care plan for yourself whatever it may be and leave your comments below on what your plan is to be healthy during this season. Take care of yourself! We will get through this 😊
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