Depression

Coping with Feelings of Depression, Anxiety & Panic During the Pandemic

Anxiety, Depression /
It’s ok to not feel ok during the pandemic. Depression, anxiety & panic may feel overwhelming but there are ways to help cope with those feelings.

Ugh….. COVID-19….. so over it already & the feelings of depression, anxiety and panic at times.  If you are anywhere in the world reading this, I know you know what I’m talking about.  Here in Clearwater, Florida, I am in week 3 of self-isolating or actually now under a stay at home order. 

After speaking to many clients during counseling sessions as well as my own feelings, I understand the feelings of more depression, more anxiety and downright panic feelings at times when we go outside or to the grocery store as the pandemic continues to go on. 

I would like to share some tips that may help with coping with those feelings.

Increased Depressed Thoughts

  • Remind yourself this pandemic will end at some point & it’s ok to not be ok right now.  But at the end of the day, they (governments) are working on it.
  • Find 3 things you are grateful for right now as you are reading this post
  • Get re-connected to hobbies you used to enjoy
  • Limit your exposure to the media
  • Avoid alcohol.  Drinking alcohol (a depressant) will make you feel more depressed

Increased Anxious Thoughts

  • Try mediation and focusing on your breath – not the news, not the anxious thoughts but only relaxing your body as much as you can and becoming completely aware of your breath.  If other thoughts come in, that’s ok but catch them & redirect yourself just back to relaxing your actual body & focusing on your breath.
  • Brush your dog or cat – spending time with a pet has a calming effect on a person (you know I’m right – I’m a doggie person) plus your pet will love the attention you are giving him or her
  • Remind yourself that feelings are not facts – stop getting stuck in the “what if” thoughts.  These are cognitive distortions or thinking errors

Increased Paranoid/Panic Thoughts

  • Remind yourself that panic thoughts are born out of overthinking (another cognitive distortion/thinking error)
  • Try to lay down & do some deep breathing repeating “I am safe here.  I am ok here. This will end.”
  • Limit your exposure to the media.  Remember panic breeds panic.  Watching news story after news story about how many people have died from the virus in your area or people fighting over supplies like toilet paper or food will create an uncertainty in you which will make you feel more panicked. 

These are some simple tips that may help you cope with feelings that are overwhelming like depression and anxiety.  However, remember that there is always someone to talk to even if you feel you cannot talk to your family. 

Counselors all over the country and the world for that matter are available and ready to help.  They may not be in the office right now but can do online counseling.  I’ve found it just as effective as in the office.  So you may want to consider that.

Also most counselors are offering very low session fees during the pandemic so check it out.  Go to https://www.psychologytoday.com/us to help you search for one in your area.

If you are struggling, please feel free to reach out to me at cdathey9@gmail.com  or if you would like to book a session go to https://cindythecounselor.com/book-a-session/  I offer a sliding scale that will work for everyone.

Remember we are all in this together and if you are struggling, please reach out.    

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How to Stay Clean & Sober During Pandemic Stay at Home Orders When the Other Adults There Aren’t

Addiction, Finding a Counselor, Relapse Prevention, Self-Esteem, Substance Abuse /
It can be difficult to stay clean & sober when others in your home are not during the pandemic stay at home orders

In Florida where I live the “Safer at Home” order has just been changed to a “Stay at Home” order during the pandemic.  This pandemic has caused all sorts of trauma & one important one in recovery is that we have lost our freedom to leave a situation when we want to.  I know people are struggling with staying clean and sober during this time because of all that stress and stay at home orders.

I wanted to provide some quick tips to help anyone stay clean and sober even if the rest of the adults in the household are not. 

My Facebook feed is filled with people stuck at home, bored and what are they doing day-drinking, having booze delivered, memes about remaining hammered most of the day.

So if you find yourself struggling to stay sober and the adults in your family are not cooperating, here are a few tips to help you.

Try to set healthy boundaries with your family (I know easier said than done 😉 )

Here’s the thing, most people who are struggling with a substance use disorder have some type of dysfunction in their family.  Trust me, its not only your family. All families have some type of dysfunction. 

So if you try to set a healthy boundary such as asking them not to bring alcohol in the house and it is still brought into the house, don’t start a confrontation just try to cope with it a different way.   

Important Tip: Many relapses start from confrontations with family members who are not sober. Just walk away & let it go

Let Go of Things Outside of Your Control & Take It One Day at a Time

These are 2 big game changing concepts to look at.  Many people are panicking about things outside of their control.  Remain in the present moment, do what you can today that really is all we can do. 

So what can you do today to help strengthen your recovery, minimize risk of relapse & remain calm

  1. Find a quiet spot & read the Big Book
  2. Attend a Virtual 12 Step Meeting Options (there’s a bunch)
  3. Learn how to Meditate & remain in the present moment
    • Try a free app like Calm or Headspace
  4. Avoid confrontations – You are not going to change them
  5. Video chat/text friends/sponsor who are in recovery
  6. Go sit outside in your yard in the sunshine 😊
  7. Create a list for yourself of the great 12 step sayings to read over or hang up in your room (they’re short & sweet but very powerful)
    • Here’s a few for you
      • Easy Does It
      • Progress not Perfection
      • Just for Today
      • This Too Shall Pass
      • Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes
      • Let Go & Let God (or whomever your higher power is)

Remember the most important takeaway from this post: If you are not actively working on your recovery, you are working on your next relapse 

So friends, just take it easy and remember this too shall pass.  We will move past this pandemic.  We are resilient and will be able to resume normal everyday life soon.

Until then, the best way to stay clean & sober is to have a plan of things you can actively do to stay clean & sober. 

If you are struggling with sobriety please feel free to reach out to me here in the comments below or give me at call at (727) 815-6017. Also if you would like to schedule an individual session to discuss things confidentially please check out this page https://cindythecounselor.com/book-a-session/

Tips on how to stay clean & sober at home when other adults in the home are not

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Toxic Relationships: How to Identify Them

Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Negative Thoughts, Relationships, Self-Care, Substance Abuse /
learn to identify toxic relationships in your life
Learn how to identify the toxic people in your life here in the new Toxic Relationship Workbook

Toxic relationships can be found everywhere in daily life…at the office and unfortunately sometimes in our homes. Most of the time these type of people ruin our mood and day. 

Toxic by its very definition means poisonous.  Since I assume you are smart enough not to just have a cup of poison with your breakfast since you are here reading this blog post why would it be ok to be around a “friend” or family member who is toxic for your mind?

According to a survey conducted by Today.com and Self magazine of 22,000 people, 1 in 3 people had a toxic friend or toxic relationships in their life¹.  Whoa now that is a lot of people struggling with unhealthy relationships.  Being around toxic people increases feelings of depression, anxiety and emotional exhaustion.

In this post, I would like to discuss how to spot these toxic people so you can identify them in your own life and then how to avoid them or limit your exposure to them so you can improve your mood. 

Toxic people or toxic relationships look like this:

  • The toxic person is always talking about themselves and their latest drama
  • The unhealthy person is always the victim of something/the ultimate pessimist
  • Toxic people are manipulative and judgmental
  • They are inconsistent, disrespectful and embarrassing at times
  • They never apologize for their actions (it’s always someone else’s fault)
  • An unhealthy person will make you feel like defending yourself
  • They are exhausting to be around (when you leave them you are extremely mentally over it)
  • Toxic people are not caring and selfish. 
  • They lack empathy.

Here’s a great infographic I found of the various types of toxic people which I must say is spot on. Don’t you think so as well.

Types of toxic relationships that you may have in your life
Learn how to cope with these folks in the NEW Recovery Journey Workbook – Toxic Relationships

Look at your own life and I’m pretty sure you can come up with a name or 2 of people in your life that may not be very healthy to be around.  The problem also can be compounded if these toxic people are family members. 

I’m a counselor and as for myself I have never met a totally functional family.  To be honest, all families even my own have some type of dysfunction.  So don’t worry if some of the big offenders are from the family list.

Listen by minimizing how much time you spend with these energy vampires each day, you will feel less depressed, less anxious, better about yourself and more confident. It’s a total win.

So how do you cope with these people that you have identified and what about the ones you can’t totally avoid, what do you do with that?

  • Set healthy boundaries & limit contact with them
  • Put your own mental health as the priority & let them go to voicemail
  • Decide to let go of things outside of your control (other people’s bad behavior for instance)
  • Trust your intuition (if something seems off with the person then it is)
  • Create a cheat sheet/list of excuses why you can’t chat with them right now or visit
  • Work on improving your self esteem & confidence by talking with a counselor
  • Incorporate more self-care into your week (will increase strength to deal with these types of people)

Once you start making yourself the priority in your own life, you will feel more empowered.  Your mood will be less depressed and anxious.  You will not find yourself constantly self-medicating the emotional overwhelm with food, drugs, shopping and alcohol.  You won’t feel so over it and checked out of your own life. It’s important for your mental health to look at this issue. 

Also if you are anxious about losing these folks from your life, let me assure you there are plenty of supportive healthy individuals out there.  Setting healthy boundaries is all about finding the healthy people because they will show you respect, love and kindness which is what life is supposed to be about.   

So if you should have some toxic people in your life, no worries, we have all been there but it’s about making yourself the priority & find the healthy supportive friends.

Updated 10/24/20: if you would like to help yourself learn how to cope with toxic relationships & build your confidence check out the new Recovery Journey Workbook – Toxic Relationships. It’s a digital download so you get it immediately. Click here to go to the workbook.

To display the new Recovery Journey - Toxic Relationship workbook in the Etsy shop
This workbook is priced at $7.99 to help people from any budget. Click the here to go to the Toxic Relationship Workbook

If you have any questions or comments, please leave them below.  I would love to chat about this.

Also if you would like help learning to set healthy boundaries with toxic people in your life, book your free 15 min recovery strategy call

¹Reference:  https://www.today.com/health/toxic-friends-8-10-people-endure-poisonous-pals-1C9413205

Infographic https://www.studypk.com/narcissistic-sociopath-psychopath-different-types-of-toxic-people/

Toxic people will negatively effect your mental health & increase your risk of relapses

To find out more about me, check out my LinkedIn profile

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Why Online Counseling May Be Right for You

Anxiety, Depression, Finding a Counselor, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Substance Abuse /
online counseling is very convenient and easy to use
Telehealth is truly an awesome tool for therapists

Almost a year ago I branched out into telehealth also known as online counseling.  I am trained in telehealth, but fear stopped me from pursuing this in my practice. 

One afternoon, I was sitting (I remember exactly where I was) doing paperwork and thought “how can you expect your clients to embrace online counseling if you won’t try it?”  Yep, counselors have fears too sometimes 😉.  Sometimes it’s hard for us to practice what we preach.  Yeah, I know silly right?  Hey, we are all human. 

Anyways back to the fear of online counseling, I decided right then to jump in with both feet and as fear is (irrational thoughts) it was fine.  Now I love it and here’s why I encourage any client to try it.

Video I created about telehealth

Why You Should Consider Telehealth or Online Counseling during Pandemic

Telehealth is convenient

I am one of those Amazon Prime people who I’m sure the delivery guy hates my address.  As a busy counselor & mom, I love the convenience of Prime. They help my busy life by bringing me things without having to stop at the store. 

Now enter telehealth technology, where you don’t have to go to an office to see a doctor or counselor. It’s great for people who don’t have transportation, can’t go to see their therapist because the kids are sick or can’t fit therapy into their busy day to get to the office due to their work schedule.  It helps you find a counselor that is right for you and even if the counselor is not in your town.

It’s excellent because it’s totally less stress.  I’m in Clearwater, Florida so traffic is always a bear this time of year. No offense, snowbirds but you make it more crowded on the roads. It’s difficult to get anywhere timely.  Driving to an appointment can be very stressful and this option takes the stress away. Online counseling makes it easier and quicker to see a therapist or counselor.

Telehealth platforms are user friendly

Hey, I don’t claim to be super techy (ask my kids 😉 they know) but I can honestly say the telehealth platform I use Doxy. Doxy is HIPPA compliant (which means secure & confidential) and soooo super easy to use. 

You as the client clicks a link the provider sends you by email.  You will enter your first name and click check in.  On my end as the provider, I see you in my waiting room. I click your name & start the session connects.  

Telehealth can be used anywhere

Aaaaahhhh don’t I wish…..I’m so kidding about online counseling here but this would be completely awesome!!! 😊 😊 😊

Typically, I meet my clients in my office or my home office.  My home office for evening sessions.  I use headphones which block out the potential of conversations being overheard that way the session is kept secured. 

It is recommended my clients sit in a quiet space in their home. Finding a space where they will not be disturbed for the hour is ideal. 

Therapy is about being comfortable and safe. You are talking about some important topics to you that are causing you feelings of depression and anxiety.  Therefore, I recommend you find a quiet place where you can be more focused and not disturbed or distracted. 

To wrap up this post which I could go on about the benefits of telehealth. If you haven’t tried it, I would encourage you to strongly consider it.  It really is convenient, user friendly and you honestly can be anywhere. 

This type of platform helps open more availability for providers to help others. Sessions can occur outside of the 9 am to 5 pm office spots.  Telehealth has helped me be able to help more clients after hours and on the weekends which is wonderful. 

If you have any questions about telehealth please feel free to comment below and I will gladly answer them for you.  You can also email me your questions at cdathey9@gmail.com If you are ready to give online counseling a try click this link to schedule a session

To learn more about me, check out my LinkedIn profile

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How to Tell if You Need Better Boundaries

Depression, Happiness, Negative Thoughts, Relapse Prevention, Relationships, Self-Esteem /
it's important to your mental health to set healthy boundaries
Unhealthy boundaries can increase feelings of depression, anxiety and relapses.

When people don’t set boundaries well with others, it becomes glaringly evident. They start feeling more depressed, miserable and anxious. They feel their life is filled with constant drama & chaos. Situations feel well, suffocating. Typically life is full of chaos because others are not respecting any boundaries which always causes problems and especially with mood.

not setting boundaries can cause mental health issues
Unhealthy boundary signs

If this article has found you are feeling like life sucked any fun or enjoyment out of your day, it may be because of other’s bad behaviors. It becomes evident that healthy boundaries are not being put into place.

What is a boundary

First, let’s talk about what is a boundary and why should you set them.  The Webster definition of boundary is sort of complicated.  There are different forms of the definition like an actual fence and the type we are going to discuss is the “unofficial rules about what should not be done; limits that define acceptable behavior.”

So healthy boundaries are being able to define acceptable behavior or conduct. Let’s talk about how you can tell if you need better boundaries in your life and then how you can start to change that. 

You probably need better boundaries in your life if you feel like:

  • Relationships with others are exhausting & pretty dramatic
  • Making decisions is really, really hard for you
  • If you feel like you don’t feel respected, valued or heard
  • You worry about what other people think
  • You feel guilty a lot & even over little things

The benefits of setting boundaries in your life are awesome. You will start to feel better about yourself and your situation. You will have more energy. No more feeling completely drained emotionally & physically after dealing with toxic people. They are energy vampires. You will feel more independent and strong. Total win-win here.

Benefits of setting boundaries
Benefits of setting healthy boundaries are feeling better about yourself

Tips to begin to address changing and setting healthy boundaries in your life

  • Talking to a counselor may help you discover why you have been accepting bad behaviors from others & where this began (hint: typically, in childhood)
  • Sitting by yourself identifying core values & beliefs
    • (example: treat others how you want to be treated)
  • Create a journal list of 5 non-negotiable standards of behavior that you will & will not accept from others 
  • Work on feeling more confident and building your self-esteem

BTW as you start putting healthy boundaries or these standards of conduct that you will accept into your life into place, be prepared. The toxic, unhealthy people’s behaviors will get worse before it gets better and they will act out because they are not getting their way. Typically by manipulating, bullying or intimidating you. Think of these behaviors as an adult size temper tantrum because that is what it is.

It’s perfectly ok to stick with your boundaries, your stress will actually decrease. The toxic person is being forced to comply with your boundaries in order to interact with you. Guess what and if they don’t oh well- they will exit your life. Remember you are making them respect you and your boundaries. It’s so truly empowering!

For some help with this

As you can tell, most of the tips to start changing the situation will need some help from a counselor but you know what at least you can identify if you do in fact have an issue with healthy boundary setting and that’s a great start. 

If you are still unsure if you have a problem with boundaries, please feel free to reach out to me at (727) 815-6017 or check out book a session if you would like to talk about your situation in a session. I can help you figure out if this is a problem in your life and suggest the next step for you to start to change this.

To learn more about me, check out my LinkedIn profile

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What I Want You to Know About Group Therapy

Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Finding a Counselor, Grief/Loss, Substance Abuse /
What I want you to know about group therapy

So as a counselor I like to facilitate mental health and recovery group therapy and I find there are some people that are intimidated by group settings. 

I wanted to write this post to alleviate some of that anxiety about group therapy and why I highly recommend people participate in them.

1) You ARE NOT Being Judged

No one judges others in group therapy
Thanks RDJ lol…

Many times people are reluctant to attend groups because they are fearful or anxious of what others may think of them and their situation. It’s ok you will not be judged.

Let me assure you, counselors facilitating groups are not judging you and neither are the people that attend.  If you are attending a depression group, most people there will also be struggling with that.  Addiction recovery groups will have people struggling with addiction.  If you attend a grief group, guess what there will be others trying to cope with grief. 

So don’t sweat it.  A group setting is a safe, awesome place to share.  The people there are like you and going through the same thing or have gone through what you are trying to cope with.

2) It’s a Safe Place of Support 

Any group I’ve facilitated, which at this point would be in the upper hundreds or maybe more 😉 are a safe place of support.  People are there to learn strategies and skills to apply in their own life. 

The group setting is confidential and welcoming.  What’s said in group stays in the group. It is not shared outside of the group. So let’s say I see a group member at Walmart I will not say “see you at group.”  That’s a huge group no no.  It will not happen.  That is a requirement of all the groups. 

Let me add the only time any group information is disclosed and that would only be by the counselor would be if someone was threatening to harm themselves or others.

3) There should be no more than 10 people in the group

Here’s why I say that anymore than 10 to me feels like a class.  Group is not a class or workshop.  A support group is generally held weekly, biweekly or monthly.  It should be supportive in nature and for that smaller is generally more comfortable and effective. 

If you are looking for a group and there are 20 people in it, you will not find the outcomes you are looking for unless the outcomes are to attend a class.  Group is not like that. 

So that’s my 3 things I would like to share about groups.  Groups are awesome, not scary, not judgmental and the bonus ** you meet wonderful new people ** who are sharing a part of your life that is troubling to you.  That’s the support part 😊 & they ROCK!!!!

If you are struggling, don’t be scared or anxious, reach out to a group near you.  They will help you. You’ll see 😊  

If you are in the Tampa Bay area and looking for a group, click this link to book your free 15 min recovery strategy call so I can help you and if I can’t I do have connections that I can refer you to that can. 

Learn more about me on my LinkedIn profile

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Lions & Tigers & Anxiety – Oh My

Anxiety, Depression, Happiness, Negative Thoughts, Problem Solving, Self-Esteem /
Lions, tigers and anxiety oh my
Anxiety can truly be a bear at times 🙁

About anxiety

Ugh…. yes it can feel like a bear if we let it.  I have never met a person who does not feel anxious from time to time and sometimes anxiety can be unrelenting if you let it. 

I find that I meet many people feel crippled because of it.  People that are not enjoying their lives.  People that are stuck in their homes.  They are calling off work, not going to school and basically spending their days miserable.

Also I like to say anxiety typically goes with depression like peanut butter and jelly.  PB & J has always been one of my favs 😊 but when we look at anxiety, depression is typically there also. 

People that suffer from those mental health issues many times feel like anxiety is never going to go away which increases feelings of depression.  The never-ending anxiety/depression hamster wheel going around and around…. Exhausting. 

Tip to Alleviate Anxiety

That is why I decided to share my one awesome tip to alleviate anxiety and will reduce feelings of depression.  It may not make it go away entirely or immediately but I can pretty much guarantee with practice this skill will help you manage anxiety so it does not keep you stuck.

Also PSA I am not a psychiatrist nor do I play one on tv so this is helpful advice only and does not replace consulting with your medical or mental health provider.

Most Awesome Anxiety Reducing Tip Ever 

Find freedom from anxiety
Practice the following anxiety reducing tip and feel the freedom

The most effective tip to reduce anxiety IMHO is not Xanax or Klonopin (although these medications have proven to be helpful but I’m not a medication provider and as an addiction counselor can see how these medications can increase one’s dependency on medications – I’m more a natural approach kind of girl. 

Plus some of those medications have side effects that can make you tired and who wants that) So I know you are thinking what do I do then?

It basically boils down to control.  People are miserable when they try to control things that are outside of their control.  Anxiety and depression for that matter can really ramp up when we try to control things that are outside of our circle of control. Also this can increase the risk of any type of relapse. 

Circle of Control

So what types of things am I talking about? Other people’s behaviors, words, attitudes as well as circumstances. For example someone is rude to you, the car breaks down, the kids are sick or there are work policies/procedures that you can’t change. 

When you sit and think about why you feel anxious and what is causing it.  I can pretty much guarantee it (the worry or thought about the worry) is outside of your control. 

Ok so what is inside of your circle of control:  your thoughts, behaviors, attitudes and that my friend, is the key to reducing or stopping anxiety all together.

Freedom from anxiety is letting go of things outside of your control
Let go of what is outside of your control

Let’s try some examples: 

Situation Example:  I’m feeling anxious because I feel I am going to be late to a very important meeting.  I live in Fl (land of traffic jams & oh so many red lights 😉 ).  I am driving in my car and feel my anxiety creeping up in my chest. 

So to manage it, I take a deep breath (a breathe in and count to 3, hold the breath for 3 and breathe out and count to 3 type and talk to myself by saying “Ok am I in control of this traffic? Can I jump over cars to get to the meeting quicker? No of course not.  So I guess I will listen to my radio and realize I will get there when I get there.”  Next time to alleviate any anxiety, I will plan to leave a bit earlier to account for any possible traffic jams. 

Other People Example: I’m feeling anxious because when I am around Dan he makes me feel nervous.  To challenge this type of anxiety with another person examine your inner thought life.  People get anxious around other people when they do not feel confident in themselves. 

Some of the negative thoughts I may have for this example “I’m not as good as Dan.  I’m not as smart as Dan. “  To correct this thinking, here is a skill that works.  Inner thought:  “I’m am the best Cindy I can be.  Dan puts his pants on the same way I do.  He is no better than me so who cares what he thinks about me.  I’m just as good as he is.” 

When you examine the situation or your thoughts in this manner you take the pressure off which typically causes anxiety to decrease as well as depression.  You are letting go of people’s views or situations that are outside of your control. 

Letting it go

It’s all about looking at the situation or the other person logically and not emotionally.  Logically can you change traffic or someone else’s thoughts…..Nope so let it go.  This skill takes practice and you won’t get it all the time but with time you will see you can manage any anxiety easier and it will leave your body & mind quicker without the use of medication. 

You can beat anxiety
Love this quote from the Wizard of Oz ( I used to hang it on my fridge for motivation)

So comment below if you’ve tried this strategy for anxiety.  How did it help?  What did you do?  What was the anxiety about?  Also if you are struggling with anxiety or have questions about it, please comment below or email me at cdathey9@gmail.com. 

You can also click the link to book a free 15 min recovery journey strategy call

To learn more about me, check out my LinkedIn profile

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Insomnia Skill to Use When It Strikes

Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Insomnia /
insomnia can really cause havoc in your life if not gotten under control
Don’t let depression, anxiety and insomnia ruin your night, you can change it

Insomnia is when you find it difficult to sleep. In the middle of the night, I would wake up with insomnia. I was thoroughly exhausted thinking about things that cause me to feel depressed, anxious, anything except peaceful happy things.  That doesn’t happen to me much anymore, rarely really and here is why and here is how you can stop it from happening to you. 

There is no need to drink yourself to sleep, smoke a blunt or pop a pill to find rest.  In other words, sorry Big Pharma or Mr. local Drug Dealer but really there is a better way. 

Big Pharma or the local drug dealer wants you to continue to be their customer.  Look at the profits in sedatives or benzos alone (45% of the US population use them on a regular basis) and as for weed, 1 in 7 adults smoked weed regularly as of 2017.

Therefore, that’s a huge amount of people for the pharmaceutical companies or local drug dealers and therefore it’s all about profit, which unfortunately there is a lot of profit. This is not even taking into effect the addiction potential of various substances. 

In other words I could go on a rant about this for days so keep reading friend there is a natural, easier way to help you below.

End of Rant

I like to think of as the next big thing…..  And what is that you ask…..ACCEPTANCE.

I know you’re thinking….. ooook???? I don’t get it.  Well let me explain. 

Did you know that synonyms of acceptance according to Webster is “getting, taking and receiving.” 

Here’s how you get to take your peace and happiness back & receive a better night’s sleep:

Look at these 10 statements about acceptance and really sit and think about them:

(this is where you take your power back 🙂 )

  1. Accept that sometimes people do or say mean things and it has nothing to do with you it’s all about them
  2. Sometimes people are going to hurt you and those are not your tribe or at the very least the people you want to spend significant time with in your life
  3. Accept that sometimes these unhealthy people need to leave your life
  4. Worrying never solved any problem
  5. Ask yourself if you have been coping with shit in your life in an unhealthy way like drinking, smoking weed or popping a pill
  6. Accept that if you are sad you are ruminating on past events that can never be changed
  7. Accept that if you have anxiety, you are thinking about things outside of your control
  8. Remind yourself that you can take your power back and control your thoughts in a positive way
  9. Accept that you have some great things going on in your life
  10. Accept that you are not a fortune teller, have no crystal ball and cannot predict what your future holds
once insomnia is under control you will sleep like a baby
How peaceful does this sweet little baby look 🙂 & pretty soon that can be you too without insomnia

The Wrap Up

These are some statements I have personally used in the past to let middle of the night worries/sad thoughts go which has helped me get back to sleep and get better rest without the need for anything extra. 

Therefore, to be able to sleep better, try this method.  Print out these statements and look them over I’m sure some of them apply in your life.

For instance once you sit, read aloud and contemplate these accept statements you will feel more at peace and be able to fall back asleep quicker and without drugs or alcohol . 

If you need some help with getting insomnia and thoughts, click here to book your free 15 min recovery strategy call

You can learn more about me here on my LinkedIn profile

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Is Codependency Negatively Effecting You

Addiction, Happiness, Negative Thoughts, Relapse Prevention, Relationships, Self-Care /
codependency
Codependency can be complicated

Codependency is a well-known term used in the mental health arena.  It is defined as a pattern of dependency of habitual actions based on the approval of others in an effort to find a sense of self-worth, validation, protection and personal identity. 

Codependency can be complicated in that one may not be aware of it or if they are, in denial about the extent of the issue.  This can negatively affect a recovery as one is not making themselves a priority which in recovery is paramount to healing and moving forward.

Here are signs that codependency is negatively effecting your recovery. 

  1. Trying to “Fix” or Help Others

As an addiction counselor, I meet many people that are involved in relationships in which they are the care takers and trying to help or change other people’s behaviors/values/attitudes.  They minimize these issues and want to “fix” the other person.  This is impossible as the only person who can elicit a change is the person who is changing themselves.  If the other person who is displaying unacceptable behaviors is not willing to address those behaviors, then it is outside of your control.

2. Difficulty Saying No

Have you ever been asked to do something for someone else and your gut or thoughts are saying no but you go ahead and do it anyways?  This is an example when people do not have strong healthy boundaries.  It’s hard to say no to others especially if you want to please others but realistically in recovery you must focus on yourself and listen to your intuition.  If it appears like the request should be a “no”, then it more than likely should be a “no.” 

If the other person gets upset, which typically they will at first when you start setting healthy boundaries, stick to your principles and they will respect you for that later.  If they don’t then they are a manipulator and it’s time to cut ties with that person because they will at some point increase your risk of relapse. 

3. Believe Self-Care is Selfish

This one is tough for people new to recovery because they truly have been led to believe that it is selfish to put themselves first.  Don’t believe the lies.  The people that have told you that you are the selfish ones and the manipulators in your life.    

Self-care is mandatory and essential to a strong recovery.  For years during your addiction, you did not take care of yourself.  Remember if your mind, body and soul are not healthy it is easier to relapse down that slippery slope whether that be substances or mental health issues. 

4. Feel Bad Asking for Help

Recovery from anything is not for the faint at heart.  It’s hard and no one knows more than me, but you have to dig deep and ask for help.  There are professionals as well as support groups that can help you along the way. (check out the resources page for free support groups)  It’s ok to ask for help when you need it.  We all need help from others from time to time that is part of being human.

5. Feel Uncomfortable Talking to People in Authority

This comes back to effective communication and confidence.  People in places of authority whether it be the legal system, physicians or even the family matriarch will respect you if you communicate your wants and needs effectively.  Acknowledge the uncomfortable feeling and remind yourself that everyone is a person like you or me.  We all put our pants on the same way. 

Building confidence takes one step at a time but you have to practice it even if you do not feel confident at the time.  Authority figures can intimidate anyone but typically relationships boil down to respect.  In that I mean if you show respect to someone else they typically will mirror that back to you.  If they don’t, that’s ok it just shows they have work to do on themselves.

6. Not Liking Being Alone

In recovery, you need to develop the skill of being alone at times as that is where real personal growth occurs.  It’s an exciting time actually.  When you are alone, it’s a break from the world where you can dream, set goals for whatever you would like and not have to worry about anyone else’s comments or opinions. 

It’s truly a blessing to like being with yourself because there is nothing worse than be in a crowded room around others and feeling alone.  If you are in recovery, I know you know that feeling.  Embrace alone time and use it to journal and plan your exciting future of being alcohol and drug free or even toxic relationship free.  Alone time is really a blessing and not a curse. 

7. Can’t Leave a Relationship Even If It’s Unhealthy

I saved this one for last on the list because I figure if you have read down to number 7 it’s about that time to discuss the number one reason people relapse and that is inability to manage stress which is mostly caused by dysfunctional relationships. 

Most of these relationships have been in your life for some time maybe even years.  However, in the essence of self-preservation because recovery is about saving your life (physical and mental health), one must examine their personal and sometimes professional relationships. 

If the relationship is unhealthy, you already know that, and it can be scary to leave the known whether bad for you or not and go into the unknown.  Change is scary at times.

Codependency Recovery

With that being said, to be successful in recovery, unhealthy relationships need to leave your life or at the very least have very minimal contact in your life.  At times, we outgrow people we know or are in a relationship with and that is ok.  Some people are only meant to be in our lives for a season not a lifetime. 

There are other signs of codependency that have not been discussed in this article.  However, I chose to discuss the ones that I see most frequently in my counseling practice. 

If you recognize these signs in your own life, it would be my recommendation to pursue counseling to identify strategies that you can utilize to help you move away of a life of codependency and into a peaceful life of independence.  You have been a prisoner too long to this. 

Being able to clearly identify these negative actions or mindsets will help you to be able to increase your sense of self-worth and move forward to freedom and peace which is what everyone truly deserves. 

If you need some help identifying codependency, click this link to schedule your free 15 min recovery journey call

If you want to learn more about me, check out my LinkedIn profile

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End Depression and Anxiety : Top 5 Posts

Anxiety, Depression, Negative Thoughts, Problem Solving, Self-Care, Self-Esteem /

Negative mindset, negative thoughts, fears, low self-esteem…. They all suck and have been clinically proven to increase feelings of depression, anxiety, anger, irritability and the so much more negative stuff.  Totally and completely draining and depressing. 

Are you over it?  Those thoughts that your life can’t change for the better and be peaceful, happy and well just satisfying. 

Well if you are…. I decided to dedicate a blog post as a sort of round up of my 5 most popular blog posts (by page views) that help you change the negative stuff into more positive stuff which in turns makes one truly happier 😊  (I’ve tried these and they work for me so my wish is they work for you too )

So here we go:

  1. Embracing Fears and Eliminating Them from Your Life
Learn to improve your self esteem to reduce depression and anxiety

2. The Biggest Contributor to Low Self-Esteem

Fear can increase depression & anxiety

3. How to End that Negative Mindset Quickly

change your thoughts change your mood

4. Absolutely the Best Ways I Have Found to Stay Positive

Best ways to stay positive and end depression

5. Finding Happiness – It’s Not as Impossible as You Think

Happiness can be found easily when you know where to look

So those are the top 5 blog posts I have written about how to change negative mindsets to pursue a peaceful life which in turn will cause negative feelings to go away and the positive ones will enter.  These posts will help you reduce feelings of depression and anxiety

So leave a comment below about which is your fav or how you go about changing a negative mindset into a positive one?  Sooooo till next time…………

Namaste friends 😊

You can learn more about me on my LinkedIn profile

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