When I meet with client’s that are early in recovery from substance abuse or mental health issues, the main topic or goal that they typically want help with is finding happiness. Tall order, right? Well yes, but really not as elusive as you might think. Happiness can be achieved, and I wouldn’t be saying that if I didn’t get there myself.
Happiness which is defined by Webster as the “state of well-being and contentment” can feel overwhelmingly unachievable to some because they feel so miserable, sad, overwhelmed, stressed out and well, just plain overwhelmed in their life presently. There are ways you can find true contented happiness and it really isn’t that difficult to do but it does take some work on your part.
Stay in the Moment
The only part of your life that you can truly change is this present moment. You cannot change the past and you really can’t predict the future, not totally anyways. It all depends on what you are doing now in the present moment.
A way to find contentment is being content in the present moment. Will you ever feel bad? Of course, you will but you are truly the only one who can change that reality as you are the only one who can elicit changes in your life or reality as you perceive it.
For example, if I am having a bad day, you know the type because we all have them from time to time in which you really want a do-over because everything that can go wrong has gone wrong, embrace it, laugh it off and push through it.
Guess what? In 24 hours that day will have gone by and you will be in the next day – essentially your do-over. So during the rough day, take a deep breath and persevere. It will get better but you have to get your mindset that way.
Be OK with Being by Yourself
Many people are afraid of being alone. I am talking about the people who are not in a relationship or perhaps the empty nesters where the kids are out of the house on their own. Many people I speak with do not like being by themselves which can make someone feel more depressed, more apt to relapse (mentally or physically) and that’s not good.
People are fearful of being by themselves because they are bored or lonely. Embrace your alone time. Get reconnected with yourself during this period because this is only a period and apt to change. Do things that you enjoy or used to enjoy by yourself. Journal about your feelings. If you don’t like being alone, google clubs or groups in your area that have get-togethers that interest you and then attend one.
Alone time is a gift because it lets you de-stress, have some down time from interactions with others that can negatively effect your mood. Ever be around toxic people that drag down your mood? Yes, I have and to be honest I’d rather be alone napping or reading a great book or something than being with the negative people who mentally drain me.
Look for the Positives Even in the Negatives
So remember for every positive there is a negative and in turn every negative has a positive if you look for it. Went through a bad relationship break-up? I’m sure if you look at the relationship as a whole there were some good times and some bad times.
Find the lesson in that negative, there is one. It could be you did not stand up for yourself and were manipulated. It could be just not a good fit but you were lonely and jumped into it. Whatever the lesson figure it out so it doesn’t get repeated and form more negative stress in your life.
Life is great at repeating the lesson if it is not learned. So while you are having that alone time, identify what are the lessons? What are the positive takeaways from the experience? They are there. Commit to yourself that you will not repeat the lessons and check those off the list of learned.
If you find you try these and nothing gets better, you may want to seek out counseling to help you with this. But as you know, Rome wasn’t built in a day so give them a real chance to work. You will see positive changes and I am only saying that as one previous negative thinker who was able to change my view to embrace a state of well being and contentment aka happiness. I can honestly say that it took some work to overcome past darkness but it can be done with concentrated effort.
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