Has your confidence ever been down or seems to not exist lately and especially after a break up or relationship meltdown? You know you feel like you can’t do anything right and especially after an important relationship in your life comes to a crashing end where you feel like the rug has totally, completely been pulled out from under you.
Well no worries, I have a way that will help you make better decisions next time cupid rolls into town as well as eliminate the low self-esteem, inner negative self-talk and low confidence that happens after a toxic relationship has ended.
People are all human and going to make mistakes, you are, I am and even the person you trusted and thought was “the one, your everything” will make mistakes. It’s just human nature. No one is perfect and one needs to accept that fact. Sometimes relationships don’t work out for many reasons such as the other person isn’t ready for one, you aren’t ready for one or it’s just fate, you two are not good together and that is what I am calling a relationship meltdown.
Stop Living in the Past
I have learned you can’t remain in the past of the should have’s, would have’s or could have’s. It’s not healthy for you. One needs to accept the relationship ended, and if you’re reading this post it probably ended not in a good way, but the point is you need to continue to move forward.
Don’t get stuck in blaming yourself, the other person or just life in general. Life doesn’t suck, everything will be ok and it is what it is. The main point is to make sure you continue to move on, move forward even a baby step at a time but just forward and not backwards, stuck in the past.
I speak with people all the time who are stuck in the past and it’s sad…oh so sad. These people are dwelling on irrational thoughts of a failed relationship. They continue to stare at the relationship as if it was a Cinderella story when in fact it was closer to Kim and Kanye, a relationship meltdown. Yeah, a hot mess.
Use Your Inner Magnifying Glass
When examining why a relationship went bad, it is extremely important not to romanticize it and view it realistically. There were clues it wasn’t going right. Come on you saw it didn’t you? They were pretty neon bright, right? Your gut or intuition was probably telling you all along something wasn’t right. In a good relationship, you don’t have to try so hard. It should not be painful or at the very least feel like you are putting more into it than the other person.
So here’s the part how you can get your head back in the game and the way to do that is to identify the pattern. There is always a pattern. By that I mean a pattern of issues which you can see if you look closely enough at yourself. Yes, I said yourself and not the other person.
I know that blows because who wants to admit they were part of an unhealthy relationship. But seriously I did it and it became quite clear that for me, it boiled down to low self-esteem, insecurity, dreaded self-hate or sabotage.
In each of these relationships, my own inner guide or intuition told me “don’t do it, it doesn’t feel right” but then that darn emotional “I wanna be loved” voice started talking and it all seemed well romantic.
Anyways once I grasped the part of what my own inner issues were, I could see where the relationships were not right to begin with and the funny thing is I knew that the whole time. The relationships were completely built out of insecurity, anxiety, perfectionism, my own inner character flaws.
So……Drop the Resentment and Bitterness
Anyways for a while I blamed the guy because any ending relationship stings. It hurts and you get knocked down off the confidence ladder but once I determined the underlying theme of the guys, got rid of the resentments towards them and came to terms with the “It is what it is” or more so “they are who they are” of the situation (reality) and person. I found I was ok with the lessons I learned because they are lessons….life lessons that made me the stronger person I am today.
I learned that I would be just fine. I learned to always listen to my gut (intuition) and of course look at the pattern because there always is one. Yeah the guy or girl may not look the same as the last one but down deep there are similarities in thoughts, actions and themes. If you look with your inner magnifying glass it will be crystal clear at some point and that is very enlightening and helpful.
Finally if you need help in this area, please reach out to me. Sometimes it is just good to hear an impartial point of view on a situation.
Need some help, click this link to book a free 15 min recovery strategy call and let’s talk about it.
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