Relapse Prevention

Addiction Relapse : Top 3 Signs & How to Stop It Before It Happens

Addiction, Relapse Prevention, Relationships, Substance Abuse /

In my field as a counselor, many times I can recognize early signs that a client will probably experience an addiction relapse.  I don’t need a crystal ball.  It’s quite obvious.  I wanted to share these signs so that you can see them in yourself before a relapse. 

These are my top 3 signs of an upcoming relapse and how to fix it:

Sign # 1: Not Being Honest with Yourself

Not being honest with yourself or denial as it truly is called is a tough one and strong force hindering a recovery. It can corrupt your thought life if you let it.

A person will understand that their drinking/drug use has become a problem in one thought and, in another thought, will be completely able to (in their mind) “rationally” feel they are not an addict or alcoholic.  You know the real truth.

Denial is sad because it truly is just a person lying to themselves about the extent of the problem.

So if you are still wondering if you have a drug/alcohol problem, stay with me and read on. Ask yourself the questions below. I promise if you are truthful with yourself (not anyone else just you), you will know the answer.

(PSA: any family members reading this, your nagging/bitching to an addict/alcoholic about their addiction doesn’t help- typically makes it worse and can be the cause of an addiction relapse so knock it off. They already know they probably have a problem & guess what, most of the time part of the underlying issue has to do with you. Yes sorry but true so please keep your “help” to yourself)

Ok back on topic so if you can’t figure it out here’s a strategy that works: (sorry about the rant above (my PSA) but a lot of times family sabotage recovery attempts so it fires me up)

Coping strategy:

Sit quietly with yourself and look at your drinking/drug use.  Ask yourself these questions:

  • Is it a problem in your life?
  • Are your finances a crash & burn?
  • Is it causing stress in your life? 
  • Is it causing relationship difficulties with your friends and loved ones? 
  • If so, well you know the answer……it’s a problem.

Sign #2: You are NOT the priority

Minimize the risk of an addiction relapse by making yourself the priority

In any successful recovery from addiction or depression or anxiety, you must be the priority which means you have to focus on yourself and your physical and mental health. 

People that experience an addiction relapse are mostly trying to please others and do not take care of themselves.  They are stressed out, overworked, over tired, eating sometimes which is mainly junk food most of the time, don’t go to counseling and aren’t applying healthy coping skills to their life. 

When I meet people who are doing these things, it is a red flag as a counselor.  I don’t need a crystal ball because I know a relapse is coming.

Coping strategy: 

Look at your lifestyle.  Ask yourself:

Are you taking care of yourself?  When was the last time you had a check up?  When was the last time you spoke to a counselor?  Have you thought about when was the last time you made yourself the priority? 

Probably a while.  Look at these things and make small adjustments in your life.  Recovery is about baby steps, one step at a time, one day at a time. 

Sign #3: You have toxic assholes in your life.

an addiction relapse can occur when unhealthy people are in your life

Sorry about the language but I’m right.  If you have manipulators, toxic people, friends that are drug users or power drinkers in your life, you will more than likely experience an addiction relapse. 

Unfortunately, the saying is true “birds of a feather…..” and sometimes these people are family members 🙁 I know sad truth but if this situation doesn’t change it’s just a matter of time before you relapse.

Coping strategy:

Set healthy boundaries.  Not everyone in your life is meant to stay in your life permanently.  Some are only there for a season.  Sometimes we outgrow them and that’s perfectly ok. 

It’s a sad truth but these manipulators or toxic folks are called toxic for a reason.  They will make it near impossible to stay clean and sober. 

Make yourself the priority and set boundaries (rules/standards for your life) with these people and let them go.  They are not good for you. If they are family members, limit contact and if they start behaving badly, make an excuse to get off the phone, run to the store or not come over. Healthy boundaries will help you. I promise.

These are my top 3 reasons I see as a counselor that are the main reason people relapse.  These reasons can be corrected quite easily but it takes work and practice. 

If you are trying to change and continue to have issues staying clean and sober, please reach out to me and book your free 15 min recovery journey strategy call. If I cannot help you I will gladly refer you to someone in your area that can. 

You can learn more about me on my LinkedIn profile

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Is Codependency Negatively Effecting You

Addiction, Happiness, Negative Thoughts, Relapse Prevention, Relationships, Self-Care /
codependency
Codependency can be complicated

Codependency is a well-known term used in the mental health arena.  It is defined as a pattern of dependency of habitual actions based on the approval of others in an effort to find a sense of self-worth, validation, protection and personal identity. 

Codependency can be complicated in that one may not be aware of it or if they are, in denial about the extent of the issue.  This can negatively affect a recovery as one is not making themselves a priority which in recovery is paramount to healing and moving forward.

Here are signs that codependency is negatively effecting your recovery. 

  1. Trying to “Fix” or Help Others

As an addiction counselor, I meet many people that are involved in relationships in which they are the care takers and trying to help or change other people’s behaviors/values/attitudes.  They minimize these issues and want to “fix” the other person.  This is impossible as the only person who can elicit a change is the person who is changing themselves.  If the other person who is displaying unacceptable behaviors is not willing to address those behaviors, then it is outside of your control.

2. Difficulty Saying No

Have you ever been asked to do something for someone else and your gut or thoughts are saying no but you go ahead and do it anyways?  This is an example when people do not have strong healthy boundaries.  It’s hard to say no to others especially if you want to please others but realistically in recovery you must focus on yourself and listen to your intuition.  If it appears like the request should be a “no”, then it more than likely should be a “no.” 

If the other person gets upset, which typically they will at first when you start setting healthy boundaries, stick to your principles and they will respect you for that later.  If they don’t then they are a manipulator and it’s time to cut ties with that person because they will at some point increase your risk of relapse. 

3. Believe Self-Care is Selfish

This one is tough for people new to recovery because they truly have been led to believe that it is selfish to put themselves first.  Don’t believe the lies.  The people that have told you that you are the selfish ones and the manipulators in your life.    

Self-care is mandatory and essential to a strong recovery.  For years during your addiction, you did not take care of yourself.  Remember if your mind, body and soul are not healthy it is easier to relapse down that slippery slope whether that be substances or mental health issues. 

4. Feel Bad Asking for Help

Recovery from anything is not for the faint at heart.  It’s hard and no one knows more than me, but you have to dig deep and ask for help.  There are professionals as well as support groups that can help you along the way. (check out the resources page for free support groups)  It’s ok to ask for help when you need it.  We all need help from others from time to time that is part of being human.

5. Feel Uncomfortable Talking to People in Authority

This comes back to effective communication and confidence.  People in places of authority whether it be the legal system, physicians or even the family matriarch will respect you if you communicate your wants and needs effectively.  Acknowledge the uncomfortable feeling and remind yourself that everyone is a person like you or me.  We all put our pants on the same way. 

Building confidence takes one step at a time but you have to practice it even if you do not feel confident at the time.  Authority figures can intimidate anyone but typically relationships boil down to respect.  In that I mean if you show respect to someone else they typically will mirror that back to you.  If they don’t, that’s ok it just shows they have work to do on themselves.

6. Not Liking Being Alone

In recovery, you need to develop the skill of being alone at times as that is where real personal growth occurs.  It’s an exciting time actually.  When you are alone, it’s a break from the world where you can dream, set goals for whatever you would like and not have to worry about anyone else’s comments or opinions. 

It’s truly a blessing to like being with yourself because there is nothing worse than be in a crowded room around others and feeling alone.  If you are in recovery, I know you know that feeling.  Embrace alone time and use it to journal and plan your exciting future of being alcohol and drug free or even toxic relationship free.  Alone time is really a blessing and not a curse. 

7. Can’t Leave a Relationship Even If It’s Unhealthy

I saved this one for last on the list because I figure if you have read down to number 7 it’s about that time to discuss the number one reason people relapse and that is inability to manage stress which is mostly caused by dysfunctional relationships. 

Most of these relationships have been in your life for some time maybe even years.  However, in the essence of self-preservation because recovery is about saving your life (physical and mental health), one must examine their personal and sometimes professional relationships. 

If the relationship is unhealthy, you already know that, and it can be scary to leave the known whether bad for you or not and go into the unknown.  Change is scary at times.

Codependency Recovery

With that being said, to be successful in recovery, unhealthy relationships need to leave your life or at the very least have very minimal contact in your life.  At times, we outgrow people we know or are in a relationship with and that is ok.  Some people are only meant to be in our lives for a season not a lifetime. 

There are other signs of codependency that have not been discussed in this article.  However, I chose to discuss the ones that I see most frequently in my counseling practice. 

If you recognize these signs in your own life, it would be my recommendation to pursue counseling to identify strategies that you can utilize to help you move away of a life of codependency and into a peaceful life of independence.  You have been a prisoner too long to this. 

Being able to clearly identify these negative actions or mindsets will help you to be able to increase your sense of self-worth and move forward to freedom and peace which is what everyone truly deserves. 

If you need some help identifying codependency, click this link to schedule your free 15 min recovery journey call

If you want to learn more about me, check out my LinkedIn profile

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Finding Happiness – It’s Not as Impossible as You Think

Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Happiness, Relapse Prevention, Relationships /

When I meet with client’s that are early in recovery from substance abuse or mental health issues, the main topic or goal that they typically want help with is finding happiness.  Tall order, right? Well yes, but really not as elusive as you might think.  Happiness can be achieved, and I wouldn’t be saying that if I didn’t get there myself.    

Happiness which is defined by Webster as the “state of well-being and contentment” can feel overwhelmingly unachievable to some because they feel so miserable, sad, overwhelmed, stressed out and well, just plain overwhelmed in their life presently.  There are ways you can find true contented happiness and it really isn’t that difficult to do but it does take some work on your part. 

Stay in the Moment

The only part of your life that you can truly change is this present moment.  You cannot change the past and you really can’t predict the future, not totally anyways.  It all depends on what you are doing now in the present moment. 

A way to find contentment is being content in the present moment.  Will you ever feel bad?  Of course, you will but you are truly the only one who can change that reality as you are the only one who can elicit changes in your life or reality as you perceive it. 

For example, if I am having a bad day, you know the type because we all have them from time to time in which you really want a do-over because everything that can go wrong has gone wrong, embrace it, laugh it off and push through it. 

Guess what? In 24 hours that day will have gone by and you will be in the next day – essentially your do-over.  So during the rough day, take a deep breath and persevere.  It will get better but you have to get your mindset that way. 

Be OK with Being by Yourself

Many people are afraid of being alone.  I am talking about the people who are not in a relationship or perhaps the empty nesters where the kids are out of the house on their own.  Many people I speak with do not like being by themselves which can make someone feel more depressed, more apt to relapse (mentally or physically) and that’s not good. 

People are fearful of being by themselves because they are bored or lonely.  Embrace your alone time.  Get reconnected with yourself during this period because this is only a period and apt to change.  Do things that you enjoy or used to enjoy by yourself.  Journal about your feelings.  If you don’t like being alone, google clubs or groups in your area that have get-togethers that interest you and then attend one. 

Alone time is a gift because it lets you de-stress, have some down time from interactions with others that can negatively effect your mood.  Ever be around toxic people that drag down your mood?  Yes, I have and to be honest I’d rather be alone napping or reading a great book or something than being with the negative people who mentally drain me. 

Look for the Positives Even in the Negatives

So remember for every positive there is a negative and in turn every negative has a positive if you look for it.  Went through a bad relationship break-up?  I’m sure if you look at the relationship as a whole there were some good times and some bad times. 

Find the lesson in that negative, there is one.  It could be you did not stand up for yourself and were manipulated.  It could be just not a good fit but you were lonely and jumped into it.  Whatever the lesson figure it out so it doesn’t get repeated and form more negative stress in your life.

Life is great at repeating the lesson if it is not learned.  So while you are having that alone time, identify what are the lessons?  What are the positive takeaways from the experience?  They are there.  Commit to yourself that you will not repeat the lessons and check those off the list of learned. 

If you find you try these and nothing gets better, you may want to seek out counseling to help you with this.  But as you know, Rome wasn’t built in a day so give them a real chance to work.  You will see positive changes and I am only saying that as one previous negative thinker who was able to change my view to embrace a state of well being and contentment aka happiness.  I can honestly say that it took some work to overcome past darkness but it can be done with concentrated effort.

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What You Need To Know Before a Relapse Happens

Addiction, Relapse Prevention, Self-Care /
tips to avoid a relapse
Stopping a relapse basically comes down to mindfully watching what is going on in your life

Addiction to substances, food, people or behaviors can be a tricky thing to overcome.  Ask anyone in recovery.  Relapse is a natural part of recovering from an addiction or mental health issue but there are some things that you can do to minimize your risk for relapse and it’s not hard to learn.

Watch Your Stress Levels

As you know when stress increases or life becomes unbalanced it may be difficult to manage cravings or urges to use.  In the field, we often tell people to ride the urge out.  Urges and cravings do not last long (minutes) and distraction is the key to overcoming them.  However, if you are feeling very stressed out due to relationship, career or just general life difficulties it will be hard to not go with the craving. 

Effective coping with stress is the way to minimize the risk of relapse.  So you have to get really good at looking at your life.  There are key signs to people that are over stressed which are increased irritability, difficulties sleeping (not enough or too much), not eating or eating too much and/or a general “life sucks” attitude.  If you find that you have fallen victim to any of these, using good self-care and putting in healthy boundaries in your life can help.

About Change

I know easier said than done but a really wise 12 stepper once said, “nothing changes if nothing changes” and really they hit that nail on the head.  If you do not change anything, nothing in your life will change. 

And here’s where relapse enters the picture, at some point your ineffective way of coping with increased stress in your life will cause you to make poor choices which will cause more problems in your life and increase your stress.  A vicious cycle, right??? 

We all know typically how drug or alcohol addiction plays out which is unfortunately death, jail or losing a lot of things in your life also known as hitting rock bottom.

Ways to Decrease Risk of Relapse

Let’s say you have identified yourself as having way too much stress in your life.  So let’s get into changing that so that you will feel better, happier, more peaceful.  If your mind, body and soul are healthy your relapse risk will decrease as you begin to enjoy your life. 

Here is a quick list of things that you may try:

  • Set healthy boundaries with family, friends and work
  • Start eating regularly and healthy
  • Exercise, meditate or nap
  • Identify the triggers to your bad mood
  • Limit contact with people that are triggering a bad mood or making you more irritable
  • Go to an AA or NA meeting
  • Do things you used to like to do (look back before you starting using drugs or drinking)
  • Look at the 24 hour period before your last relapse, what was happening?  How were you feeling?  Look closely at these and the thoughts the feelings generated (remember anger is basically hurt feelings) Consider how can you cope with that better in the future?

This is just a basic list but seriously managing stress is the number 1 key to relapse prevention.  Focusing on self-care is very important.

If you should find difficulty being able to manage stress, seek out a trained professional.  Counseling can help you identify the issues and help you devise a strong relapse prevention plan.

If you would like help revamping your relapse prevention plan please book your Free 15 Min Recovery Journey Call

For more info about me, check out my LinkedIn profile

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