Ready to start your road to recovery from drug and alcohol addiction?
Drug and alcohol treatment can vary based on what type of level of care is needed. This will give a general breakdown of the various types. Some of the ones we will discuss are: Medical Detox, Residential Treatment, Intensive Outpatient and Outpatient services.
Medical Detox
This type of treatment is considered the highest level of care. It provides medical monitoring by a physician for the client 24 hours per day.
Length of stay is dependent on many different variables such as substances used, tolerance level, addiction severity and health issues. An average stay is up to a week.
Residential Treatment
Once medically cleared from the detox, many times clients continue their recovery in a residential treatment program. As the name implies, the client will live at the program. These programs vary in length as well.
Many are 28-30 days but others can last up to 6-18 months. These programs provide individual and family counseling, 12 step meetings and group therapy.
Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP)
These programs are outpatient in which the client resides at home and attends the program typically between 3-5 days per week during the day. The programs generally include individual and group therapy.
Outpatient Therapy
Once a client has completed residential treatment or IOP part of their discharge plan is continued counseling in an outpatient setting. This therapy will occur in a counselor’s office.
These sessions are held individually with a counselor to help the client learn and implement coping skills in their life to maintain sobriety.
Still Not Sure What Level of Treatment You Need?
If you are still unsure what level of drug & alcohol treatment is most appropriate for you, talk to an expert. Schedule your Free Consultation so we can discuss this and see what is the best avenue for you.
To find out more info about Cindy Athey, alcohol & drug abuse therapist in Clearwater, check out the About Me page or click here to go to my LinkedIn Profile page
Drinking or alcohol use has risen during the pandemic and so have issues with it. One question I am asked quite frequently is to help people figure out if they have an alcohol problem. I decided to write about how you can decide for yourself if alcohol has become a problem in your life.
There is no shame in determining if this is a problem so just let that feeling go and sit by yourself and look at this.
Itās so important to let go of denial and really look at your life.
Also important side note before we go deeper in this topic: these are general indicators suggesting that you may have an issue with alcohol & not an alcohol use disorder diagnosis. There’s generally more involved in officially assessing a person for a substance use disorder. So speak to a professional or medical provider about this.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
1) How much & how often am I drinking?
If you are drinking daily thatās a problem and I’m including “Mommy Wine Time” in this.
Here is why I say that. We are creatures of habit. Just think about it. I typically always buy certain brands of food, toothpaste, jeans, etcā¦ I pretty much stick to the same schedule each day (getting up at the same time & going to bed around the same time). If I start drinking daily, at some point it will become a habit or my stress management go-to.
For me, one drink will equal more like too many so I don’t drink. I’ve figured this out. If thatās you and you find more times than not the 1-2 recommended drinks turn into way more or maybe a bottle of wine, itās a problem.
2) Do you have times when you canāt remember what has happened when you have been drinking?
When a person can still talk, walk or stagger and not remember what they did or what they said to others, this is a blackout. The BAC (blood alcohol concentration) increased too quickly and the brain basically shuts down to just managing essential body functions. Research has shown that short term memories are not being made. I think that is really scary in its own right.
3) Has your drinking caused problems in your relationships, finances, work or daily life?
Are other people in your life asking you to cut down on your drinking? This is a clear-cut sign that alcohol has become an issue. If you call off to work more than you go or perhaps when you are there you feel sick from being hungover, that is a clear sign as well that alcohol is a problem in your life. If your finances are all over the place and you are missing money after a night out, well you know the answer. Alcohol is a problem
4) Are there substance abuse issues in your family history?
Look at your parents, grandparents, siblings and cousins and see if there is a substance abuse history there. If there is, that increases your risk of having a substance abuse issue in your life.
5) Do you feel shame, embarrassment, anxiety or depression after you have been drinking?
Hereās the thing, if you feel these feelings chances are you already know itās a problem in your life. Alcohol is a depressant so itās very nature will make you feel more depressed. However, shame tells the tale and no one likes to feel that.
6) Is drinking working for you?
An important thing to finally look at is how is alcohol working for you in your life. If it’s causing issues, it’s not working. Just looking at it to see if it’s worth the hassle is recommended.
Alcohol does not relieve anxiety and stress. Yes, it feels relaxing initially but at some point you go over that “I drank too much” cliff and then it actually increases anxiety and stress.
Decided You May Need Some Help With This?
If you notice after looking at these questions that you may have difficulties with drinking, treatment is helpful. There are different types of treatment such as inpatient, outpatient, individual and group therapy. The good news is that treatment is not uniform and it is tailored specifically to your situation. Essentially not everyone needs rehab.
Most important is to remember an alcohol problem is not a personal failing in you. It is indicative of a deeper problem that needs worked on.
Those types of issues could be low self-esteem, previous trauma, codependency, anger and the list can go on. Itās always best to talk with a professional to figure that out. They will be able to help you come up with a treatment plan that will work for you.
Also if you drink daily and a great quantity, talk to your medical professional prior to stopping. Unfortunately at some point alcohol abuse becomes a chronic physical health issue. Your medical provider will be able to assess where you are at with that.
If you need assistance figuring out the next step schedule your free 15 minute recovery strategy call. The call will help you determine your next step in your recovery journey.
Click this link & you will be taken to the book a session page
Addiction is not the root of the problem. Addiction is the ineffective coping strategy used to cover up that problem whatever it may be.
I was thinking about all the people who had an addiction relapse yesterday on Cinco de Mayo AKA Cinco de Drinko and are feeling bad about themselves today. And if you are one of those people who are reading this right now I wanted to give you encouragement that you can beat this. Substance abuse is not an easy mountain to climb but you know what you can do it.
(a little bit of self-disclosure here) I am a former binge drinker. Yeah I know hard to believe right? Well I personally know how you are feeling this morning. I know you feel like you screwed up yet again. I understand and have felt the embarrassment, the shame, the āWTF seriously you know betterā thoughts you are feeling.
So I thought I would give you a few tips/encouragement on how to shake off those crappy, self-defeated thoughts while you are recovering from yesterdayās relapse.
I want you to know this:
Addiction relapse can happen when you do not have healthy strategies in place.
The risk increases when you let your guard down and are missing meetings, counseling sessions or working on improving yourself because you are too busy.
Relapses happen when you have not changed the toxic, unhealthy people in your life. I know some of these people are family members and may take a little extra skill set to deal with that but totally can be done.
I know setting and sticking to boundaries sucks at first. Itās scary. If you do stick to boundaries (personal standards/rules) and eliminate those toxic people in your life, recovery is way easier.
If you are not actively working on your recovery, you are actively working towards your next addiction relapse. (READ THAT AGAIN)
It is an important statement and truth.
I speak to people who relapse over and over again. Shoot I was there for a bit in their shoes years ago. I know it sucks but the common thread is they have not changed their behaviors and mindsets. They have failed to address the root of the problem.
Addiction is not the root of the problem. Addiction is the ineffective coping strategy used to cover up the problem, whatever it may be.
Counseling helps get to the root of that problem, process those feelings and helps you learn healthy strategies to put into place so that an addiction relapse becomes a thing of the past.
I know for a fact you can put substance abuse in your past because I have done that. Do I ever sayā¦.Cindy you will never drink again. Nope because I feel that is setting myself up for failure.
Hereās an example of why I say that….. I love chocolate cake. If I say to myself, you will never eat chocolate cake again because itās too fattening. Guess what, I will more than likely really want chocolate cake because my mind will be tricked into thinking I am missing out on something delicious.
Same goes for alcohol in my book. I give myself the choice. When that choice presents itself & it does on occasion, I am confident that I am not going to drink. I know the dark road it leads down and I am at a place in my life that I will not put myself through that pain and suffering again. My relationship with alcohol is over. Essentially I kicked it to the curb and realize it doesn’t work for me. You can get to that spot too.
The 12 step meetings say play the tape out. So if I play the tape out, one drink leads to too many and I end up throwing up, passing out and waking up not remembering what I did and what I said to whom. I know when I wake up I will feel like shit, mentally and physically. So I chose not to drink.
I chose to surround myself with healthy people who are not power drinkers. I chose to cope with feelings in healthier ways like reading, napping, playing with the dog, meditation or talking to healthy friends.
So if you relapsed yesterday, thatās ok. Sit with yourself today, let go of the shame and think about what actions you can take to start back on your road to recovery.
It is a journey and with any journey there may be ups and downs. This substance abuse/addiction journey you are on can end successfully in recovery. Right now you have hit a down spot but I know you can turn it around.
If you are struggling and unsure of what step to take to get back on track, please click the link here to schedule a free 15 min recovery strategy call. Let’s talk about what is the next step for you to take on your recovery journey.
I wrote you a letter to discuss the benefits of online counseling during the pandemic & why it’s super important for you to reach out.
Dear Reader,
I wanted to write a quick letter to you to alleviate any fears you may have about starting online counseling. I am an addiction counselor in Clearwater and as you know, trying to cope with the pandemic as well.
Our world has changed significantly in the past month. Counseling has turned to online or phone sessions. Counselors like me understand that many are fearful of trying this new format, who likes change anyways. I wanted to write a short letter to help alleviate any concerns you may have.
Telehealth also known as online counseling has been around for a while. It has been under-utilized but now has been placed in the forefront as the way to get counseling. Counselors are not in their offices right now and working from home.
Getting Started with Online Counseling
I wanted to give some basic information about how to get started with teletherapy. Actually it is very easy. Your counselor will email or text you an invite or link to the telehealth platform they are using such as Zoom or Doxy. These platforms are HIPPA compliant and secure.
I know you have read in the press lately about Zoom having issues with a breech in security. I am happy to report they initiated a password for each provider to use for sessions which has minimized the issue. To be honest, I guess I was one of the lucky ones because I never had a session compromised.
Once you connect the session by clicking the link or invite, you will see your therapist on the other end. Itās super easy. I recommend clients wear headphones or ear buds as it helps keep the conversation confidential, more focused, and easier to hear.
Tips for Online Counseling
I also recommend clients find a quiet place to talk. With kids home from school, that may mean taking a break talking in the car, sitting outside or in a quiet location inside the home while they play their video games or watch one of their shows.
Why Counseling is Important Right Now
Counseling is especially important at a time like this. We are all in the midst of experiencing something new, Covid-19 and stay at home orders. We have lost our normal and are trying to cope and adjust. Some people handle change easily and others struggle with it.
This time has caused an amplification of different types of stress such as financial stress if you have lost your job, family stress like all of sudden becoming the full time teacher/parent or loss of freedom to go where you want to with who you would like to as well as work stress if you are an essential worker.
This stress can increase feelings of grief/loss, anxiety, depression, anger and that is totally ok. However, learning to cope with those feelings in a healthy way is very important to your mental health. We are all in the same boat. Taking it one day or news conference at a time.
Online counseling is one of those tools that can help you learn to put healthy coping skills into place to help manage your symptoms and reduce conflicts in the home and reduce the risk of relapses to use of alcohol and drugs to self-medicate.
Counseling is a safe place to discuss how you are feeling because at times it can be difficult to discuss with family members because it just adds additional stress which will cause conflicts. Remember your family is going through this collective trauma as well.
How to Find an Online Counselor
So to wrap this up, I hope this letter finds you well and if you are struggling, please reach out to a counselor to help you. Many are accepting new clients. You can find them in a directory like Psychology Today.
When you go to Psychology Today, each counselor was asked to indicate how they were offering their services during the pandemic. It’s on their profile. Many indicate telehealth only at this time, accepting new clients or sliding fees so just check it out.
Or if you already have a counselor, please reach out to them to schedule a session. Many are offering sliding scales or shorter sessions to help with the financial aspect of counseling during the pandemic.
Also if you want to talk about this or having any questions please reach out to me here and book a free 15 min phone consultation. You are under no obligation to book a session but I can help you by answering any questions you may have.
Why recovery feels harder right now during covid-19
Covid-19 has been such a sad and awful game changer to our lives this past month. Here in Clearwater Iām on week 4 of the Stay at Home order. Due to the increase in feeling anxious, stressed and depressed, it has been more difficult for people to stay clean and sober. I have been getting more calls about helping people who are struggling with recovery.
I wanted to share my thoughts about this. Mainly in the hopes of helping someone who is struggling (TBH we all are š ). If you look at our typical everyday life pre-covid, it was running around from task to task. These could be kids, school, work, household duties, cooking and now all of sudden that has all changed or stopped.
Most people do not like change and have a difficult time accepting it. Therefore, an increase in negative thoughts like worry, doubt or depression tends to occur.
Here’s the reason why your early recovery is feeling harder
Most people with substance abuse issues never really ādealā with their feelings. Addicts & alcoholics numb it out or block it out by being drunk or high.
For example, if you are drunk or high chances are, you will not be too worried about the situation because you are feeling good at the moment. However, at some point the floor drops out and you are left struggling with increased feelings of depression, anxiety or shame. A crappy trifecta.
Most times when people are in an active addiction, they are not used to being by themselves feeling real feelings. Those feelings and previous traumas have been suppressed for a long time.
Part of recovery is embracing that alone time to work on you. Sometimes this can mean reaching out for help from professionals. Typically self-esteem is low right now. Struggling to improve that can feel like a huge mountain to climb. However, reframing your thoughts or looking at them in a different way is helpful.
Let me show you what I mean about reframing a thought:
Some examples may be:
Just reading this blog post means you are further along in your recovery than people that are drunk or high right now.
Being drunk or high all the time is not working for you.
You are brave to even start to look at this part of yourself.
You are learning about addiction and well on your way to overcoming it and moving on in a healthier way of life (that serenity they talk about š ).
Those are 4 quick examples that I thought of just sitting here that can help you raise your self-esteem. You know why because they are true and facts. Feelings are not facts. We are not looking at feelings right now only facts. Iām sure you can think of some more as well. I recommend people write the facts down & hang them up where they can see.
Recovery is based out of truth.
The truth is we know you have a problem or you would not be reading this. The truth is there are tons of people that get clean & sober and stay clean & sober. Another truth is the past can never be changed no matter how much we want to change it.
It can be initially hard to look at. However if not looked at, the problem it will continue to go down a dark road and who wants that??? Not me, so to change that.
I had to get comfortable being uncomfortable with myself. I had to learn to become comfortable with my alone, down time. Easy, nope but I got reconnected with my spiritual side which I donāt typically talk about too often with others as they are either on board or not with that type of thing. However, recovery is an individual process. What has worked for me may not work for you but unless you try you will never know.
Wrap Up
So to wrap this post up let me just add, you can do this. There is no reason why you cannot stay clean and sober. You can learn to like being alone with yourself. You can raise your self-esteem. Those are facts as well because Iāve done them all.
There will no longer be a sick & tired of being sick & tired feeling. A little 12 step saying but you know what they are sooo truly valid to substance abuse or mental health). I say them all the time to myself. BTW there are tons of online 12 step meetings right now. Embrace change, let go of things that once were and enter recovery. You will not regret it.
If you are ready to get started with your recovery journey, click this link to book a session for a free 15 min recovery journey strategy call.
So I guess that is about it for now. Please take care and be safe.
It can be difficult to stay clean & sober when others in your home are not during the pandemic stay at home orders
In Florida where I live the āSafer at Homeā order has just been changed to a āStay at Homeā order during the pandemic. This pandemic has caused all sorts of trauma & one important one in recovery is that we have lost our freedom to leave a situation when we want to. I know people are struggling with staying clean and sober during this time because of all that stress and stay at home orders.
I wanted to provide some quick tips to help anyone stay clean and sober even if the rest of the adults in the household are not.
My Facebook feed is filled with people stuck at home, bored and what are they doing day-drinking, having booze delivered, memes about remaining hammered most of the day.
So if you find yourself struggling to stay sober and the adults in your family are not cooperating, here are a few tips to help you.
Try to set healthy boundaries with your family (I know easier said than done š )
Hereās the thing, most people who are struggling with a substance use disorder have some type of dysfunction in their family. Trust me, its not only your family. All families have some type of dysfunction.
So if you try to set a healthy boundary such as asking them not to bring alcohol in the house and it is still brought into the house, donāt start a confrontation just try to cope with it a different way.
Important Tip: Many relapses start from confrontations with family members who are not sober. Just walk away & let it go
Let Go of Things Outside of Your Control & Take It One Day at a Time
These are 2 big game changing concepts to look at. Many people are panicking about things outside of their control. Remain in the present moment, do what you can today that really is all we can do.
So what can you do today to help strengthen your recovery, minimize risk of relapse & remain calm
Find a quiet spot & read the Big Book
Attend a Virtual 12 Step Meeting Options (there’s a bunch)
Learn how to Meditate & remain in the present moment
Try a free app like Calm or Headspace
Avoid confrontations – You are not going to change them
Video chat/text friends/sponsor who are in recovery
Go sit outside in your yard in the sunshine š
Create a list for yourself of the great 12 step sayings to read over or hang up in your room (theyāre short & sweet but very powerful)
Hereās a few for you
Easy Does It
Progress not Perfection
Just for Today
This Too Shall Pass
Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes
Let Go & Let God (or whomever your higher power is)
Remember the most important takeaway from this post: If you are not actively working on your recovery, you are working on your next relapse
So friends, just take it easy and remember this too shall pass. We will move past this pandemic. We are resilient and will be able to resume normal everyday life soon.
Until then, the best way to stay clean & sober is to have a plan of things you can actively do to stay clean & sober.
If you are struggling with sobriety please feel free to reach out to me here in the comments below or give me at call at (727) 815-6017. Also if you would like to schedule an individual session to discuss things confidentially please check out this page https://cindythecounselor.com/book-a-session/
Tips on how to stay clean & sober at home when other adults in the home are not
Learn tips to minimize risk of relapse to drug and alcohol use during the pandemic
Staying clean and sober during the COVID-19 pandemic. No small feat right? It doesnāt have to be a major struggle. Let me provide a bit of guidance that may help you to stop and think prior to making bad choices during this uber stressful event.
Stress and anxiety and even panic (weāve all seen the Facebook videos of people fighting over toilet paper) are at the highest right now due to all this uncertainty, no work, limited supplies and a bunch of changes during the pandemic.
Whether your new to recovery or have a few years under your belt, let me say it can still be a challenge to stay clean and sober, but it doesnāt have to be super difficult. Most relapses are due to some type of stress without an effective coping system in place.
Since we canāt change or control what is happening right now in the world, I want to help you work on learning how to identify healthy ways to cope with the added stress the pandemic can bring and most importantly how to stay clean and sober during this time.
Stressors during this pandemic that can cause you to relapse & ways to avoid that and stay clean and sober
Financial Stress/Job Insecurity
Focus on what you can change right now
Call utility companies/credit card/loan companies to advise them of your difficulties
Consider if a career change is right for you, if so research ways to do so
Remind yourself when one door closes another one opens
Isolation/Quarantine/Social Distancing
Self-care is a must (eat right, rest, learn something today or do something you enjoy)
Limit exposure to the media (just get the basics each day)
Consider attending an online or telephone 12 step meeting
Lack of Supplies
Identify the things you do have on hand & make it work
Create a menu that will work with the food in your home
Locate local food banks/churches that are providing food assistance (many are doing drive up)
Being around Family 24/7
Take a break, nap, listen to guided meditation to help calm you
Loosen the rules (let the kids watch tv, play video games, help them bake cookies etcā¦)
Remind yourself this is not permanent. (The government is working on fixing the situation right now)
Fear for the Future
This situation is out of your control. Stop focusing/obsessively thinking about the future. Stay in the present moment & do what you can do now, which is remain calm.
Remind yourself the situation is being worked on as you read this
Take it one day at a time, one moment at a time
This is a horrible, scary situation for everyone in the world, but you know what we can and do recover from addiction and from pandemics. We are resilient that way.
One final note, remind yourself if you get stuck in a negative mindset in which the problems feel overwhelming and that a drink or a pill or a snort of something will help numb the worry, it doesnāt.
The worry will be there when you are not high or drunk. At that point you can add a topping of shame for the relapse on top of all the anxiety. Shame and recovery do not work well together so try to avoid relapse which you can.
Remember friends, recovery is a lifestyle and mindset change. Itās a journey and unfortunately this journey involves the COVID-19 but when we take it one day at a time and one moment at a time, we can and will prevail.
If you find yourself struggling please reach out and click the link to schedule your free 15 min recovery strategy call. There is no reason for you to struggle alone.
Unhealthy boundaries can increase feelings of depression, anxiety and relapses.
When people donāt set boundaries well with others, it becomes glaringly evident. They start feeling more depressed, miserable and anxious. They feel their life is filled with constant drama & chaos. Situations feel well, suffocating. Typically life is full of chaos because others are not respecting any boundaries which always causes problems and especially with mood.
Unhealthy boundary signs
If this article has found you are feeling like life sucked any fun or enjoyment out of your day, it may be because of other’s bad behaviors. It becomes evident that healthy boundaries are not being put into place.
What is a boundary
First, letās talk about what is a boundary and why should you set them. The Webster definition of boundary is sort of complicated. There are different forms of the definition like an actual fence and the type we are going to discuss is the āunofficial rules about what should not be done; limits that define acceptable behavior.ā
So healthy boundaries are being able to define acceptable behavior or conduct. Letās talk about how you can tell if you need better boundaries in your life and then how you can start to change that.
You probably need better boundaries in your life if you feel like:
Relationships with others are exhausting & pretty dramatic
Making decisions is really, really hard for you
If you feel like you donāt feel respected, valued or heard
You worry about what other people think
You feel guilty a lot & even over little things
The benefits of setting boundaries in your life are awesome. You will start to feel better about yourself and your situation. You will have more energy. No more feeling completely drained emotionally & physically after dealing with toxic people. They are energy vampires. You will feel more independent and strong. Total win-win here.
Benefits of setting healthy boundaries are feeling better about yourself
Tips to begin to address changing and setting healthy boundaries in your life
Talking to a counselor may help you discover why you have been accepting bad behaviors from others & where this began (hint: typically, in childhood)
Sitting by yourself identifying core values & beliefs
(example: treat others how you want to be treated)
Create a journal list of 5 non-negotiable standards of behavior that you will & will not accept from others
Work on feeling more confident and building your self-esteem
BTW as you start putting healthy boundaries or these standards of conduct that you will accept into your life into place, be prepared. The toxic, unhealthy people’s behaviors will get worse before it gets better and they will act out because they are not getting their way. Typically by manipulating, bullying or intimidating you. Think of these behaviors as an adult size temper tantrum because that is what it is.
It’s perfectly ok to stick with your boundaries, your stress will actually decrease. The toxic person is being forced to comply with your boundaries in order to interact with you. Guess what and if they don’t oh well- they will exit your life. Remember you are making them respect you and your boundaries. It’s so truly empowering!
For some help with this
As you can tell, most of the tips to start changing the situation will need some help from a counselor but you know what at least you can identify if you do in fact have an issue with healthy boundary setting and thatās a great start.
If you are still unsure if you have a problem with boundaries, please feel free to reach out to me at (727) 815-6017 or check out book a session if you would like to talk about your situation in a session. I can help you figure out if this is a problem in your life and suggest the next step for you to start to change this.
Surviving another dysfunctional family holiday like Thanksgiving
Another dysfunctional family holiday. I know (enter huge sigh) ā¦.everyone loves the turkey, stuffing & pumpkin pie š but how about negative family comments, the jealousy, the friendly sibling rivalry which is all but not friendly? Yeah I didnāt think very stress-free especially if you are new to recovery. This can cause a huge relapse risk for you if not planned in advance.
Also donāt feel bad if you are checking this out, you know why according to John Bradshaw, family systems therapy advocate, states 97% of all families have some type of dysfunction.
Yep š about right
Yep, yours, mine and the other guys so no worries that you are alone right š So here are some quick tips to help you manage through this day.
Create a quick escape plan
Instead of falling prey to a trigger that could start a relapse, figure out a quick escape plan. Examples of a plan could be: you will be the runner to the store for more ice or butter or rolls, whatever just to go out to the local 7-11 & get a breather. They’ll be open.
Iām not one for lying but sometimes a little white lie is necessary if it is going to keep you clean and sober. So a few more examples may be getting some type of awful migraine & need to go lay down for a bit or even having to run back home because of the dog.
Itās really important to put yourself first in this area because most people relapse during or after a holiday with their family.
Hereās whyā¦. old stuff gets dragged back up, comments are said that are meant to be hurtful, arguing happens or someone else gets drunk and then it starts to look like the Jerry Springer show on steroids.
You can manage this by simply planning. If you already know so & so gets drunk at every family get together, then you know it will probably happen this year so create a plan for that.
Stay Away from Hot Topics
Not the store, I mean politics and religion. Nothing can start a family argument quicker
than those 2 topics. I grew up in a
household where both political parties were represented and sometimes not in a
good way.
My best advice stay away from these conversations. If it comes up, it is perfectly ok to excuse yourself from the table or leave the room until it settles down.
It is perfectly ok for you to set a healthy boundary and try to change the conversation to another topic. For example, you can say, āI donāt feel comfortable discussing this anymore, letās change the subject.ā
Go to a Meeting
If the situation is too high risk for you, in which being around the fighting, the drama, “I’m just trying to be helpful” but not really comments are too much, google a meeting.
There is a reason that the 12 step clubs offer 24 hour meetings around these big holidays because most people with substance abuse issues have dysfunctional families.
So the take away is if you feel like going to a meeting, go to a meeting. The great part is you will not be alone, you will be around others that needed a break from the drama and it will help you put your recovery back into perspective.
Final thoughts are if you create a plan for your upcoming dysfunctional family holiday or at the very least think about how you are going to handle situations that you know are going to come up, you will be less likely to relapse and more likely to enjoy at least part of the yummy meal.
If you would like to reach out to me about this, please feel free to do so I offer a free phone consultation and can help you create a quick strategy to help you stay clean and sober during this holiday. So give me a call (727)815-6017 & let’s talk about it or you can fill out this form & I will get a hold of you. Happy Thanksgiving!!!
I work with people who suffer from being addicted all sorts of things and not just drugs and alcohol. Addictions can come in the form of negative thinking, shopping too much, gambling, gaming, toxic relationships, any type of behavior that is over the top in a compulsive way.
If you are reading this, chances are you have a loved one, family member or friend who has an addiction or at the very least you suspect they are addicted to drugs or alcohol. In my work, I have noticed common misconceptions families are unaware of when it comes to addiction, which is a complicated disease that I would like to discuss on behalf of your addict or alcoholic.
They did not choose to be addicted to anything
I have never met a young child who listed a career/life goal of becoming a drug addict, alcoholic, gambler, compulsive shopper or parolee. Addiction is a brain disease not a moral failing.
Use of drugs and alcohol or even compulsions change the brain. There is tons of research and findings that prove this. If you want to learn about it, do a simple google search. There are tons of research studies. Addiction is now characterized as a brain disease and not a personal choice.
Stopping is actually quite terrifying to them
Your loved one uses drugs to āescapeā their feelings. Itās ineffective of course and destructive but they have not learned healthy coping strategies for previous trauma, dysfunctional family systems or other mental health issues to put into place. Therapy can be helpful for some once the medical issues are stabilized.
Your nagging, bitching, eyerolls, sarcasm will not stop this disease.
Many addicts and alcoholics say their families and friends just donāt get it. They donāt listen and this causes an addiction to get worse. The āhelpfulā comments are not helpful. They increase the thoughts of self-loathing and shame.
Stop the comments/humiliation, use healthy communication or distraction to help an addict see there is a healthy way to do life. Right now, they understand that drugs/alcohol are not the healthy way, but they are lost. Havenāt you ever felt lost at some point in your life? Unsure where to go? If you answer no, you are not being truthful to yourself. We all have felt that way at some point.
They donāt like themselves
The shame of having an addiction is huge and it causes many people a lot of pain. Addicts are in a lot of emotional pain. Pain from trauma, pain from not feeling worthy, pain that they canāt stop and the list goes on. How can you help them? By showing them unconditional love, not enabling love. So when they ask for money, say no, set healthy boundaries for you and them.
You cannot dictate their rock bottom.
There is a personal growth component to recovery. If a family member keeps posting bail or helping an addict out in some way, it can alleviate the short-term pain but there will be no long-term gain. The behavior will continue.
Many say there is a rock bottom. I believe there is to some degree but itās a personal journey and that person must discover that for themselves. Family & friends can’t “help” a person get to their rock bottom any faster than they get there. It’s frustrating and worrisome I get it. Addiction is a war on the mind, body & soul and unfortunately, we cannot stop it. The addict/alcoholic must stop it.
Maybe it takes them to sit in jail for a few days, lose their home, lose their kids temporarily but the addict has to discover what their rock bottom is personally to them and then they decide how to get back what they have lost. If they arenāt ready the addiction will continue because they havenāt got to this point of self-discovery.
Final Thoughts for Family/Friends
So to close, I hope this article helps you understand a little bit more about how the addict/alcoholic is thinking and that really there is not much you can do to stop them being addicted to drugs and alcohol. They have to take that step for themselves but you can provide emotional support along the way and encouragement that there is a way out. Hope can help fuel a recovery and the 12 step meetings prove there are many people who have overcome these issues.
If you should know an addict/alcoholic that is serious about changing their situation, please click the link to book a free 15 min recovery journey strategy call. There are many solutions to addiction that can be helpful to your family member and the family as a whole.
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