Anxiety

Shame Sucks During the Holidays & How to Get Thru It

Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Negative Thoughts, Self-Care / December 26, 2018

This article is for anyone early in recovery and possibly slipped up yesterday. Today is the day after Christmas and I really felt strongly to discuss this topic because anyone who has relapsed/slipped up or made a totally BIG mistake in life, totally knows the shame it involves the following day and you know what no matter how you slice it, SHAME SUCKS!!!!

So to get down to basics, I don’t really feel like I need to define shame because anyone who has felt that bad feeling kinda already gets it. It is the worst feeling imaginable. It’s that kind of feeling in which you are feeling super embarrassed over your behavior and worse don’t even understand why the behavior occurred or that you are not as good as anyone else.

Examples of behavior that induces feelings of shame that come to mind are like

Sleeping with a one night stand because you went to a bar and met somebody and you were feeling lonely or thinking no one loves you
Sneaking or having “just one” drink, pill or blunt feeling no one will know you’re drunk or high (and unfortunately guess what…they totally do….)
Perhaps spending too much money when you know you can’t pay your electric bill but hey, that family member needs the latest and greatest cool new tech thingamabob or they won’t love me or think I’m successful if I don’t get it for them.

Those examples I know harsh but I’m thinking totally realistic and guess what as a straight shooter and former shame-based thinker and totally not into or liking psychobabble fluff (big words that no one understands) figure that’s easier to understand.

When you look at those examples you can see other things were going on (loneliness, wanting to fit in or needing approval from others as well as validating life success).

So how do you change that, so you don’t have to feel like that. It’s called good ole’ introspection/self-discovery my friend and it’s kind of hard work. Ugggghhhhh who wants that? I know but until it’s looked at and discovered why you do the things that you do, it will stay the same and you don’t want that.

Also nothing of value comes without hard work (my grandpa told me that 🙂 ).

Without having to commit to years and years of psychotherapy here are some quick ways to help identify and minimize shame-based behaviors/attitudes and thinking. Examine the last big mistake and look at what was going on before it occurred. Look at your thoughts, what was your mood like?

Make a list of 3 top negative thoughts you want to change that goes through your head when these behaviors typically occur (pick the ones that you know that typically play on repeat…. )

Once you have those written down, challenge those thoughts. I’ll list some examples of how I would challenge the thoughts

I’ll list some examples of how I would challenge the thoughts

Thought: “I feel lonely and can probably find someone here at the bar.”

Rational challenge thought– “Seriously can a healthy relationship happen from a bar when both people are drunk?”

Thought: “I can just have one drink it’s the holidays”

Rational challenge thought – “Play the tape out 1 drink leads to 8 drinks which leads to doing dumb shit.” (Ok total pass for me, tried the “only 1 drink” approach too many times and it doesn’t work 😉 )

Thought: “They really want that Xbox and I want to be a good mom.”

Rational challenge thought– “If I buy the new Xbox, I can’t pay the electric bill and then they can’t play the Xbox because it won’t work without the electricity.”

The key to challenging this stuff is get ahead of it. If you know that your family/friends are going to have a bunch of booze, pills, weed, judgements, plan ahead. When it occurs, use refusal skills such as “I don’t drink.”, “I’m taking other medications” or if it’s an offhand rude comment, mentally say “Ignore it. They are being insecure because people that judge others are insecure people.”

I know this is like a quick fix band aid and won’t cure the shame ailment completely, but I can promise you if you work on it a little bit at a time, it will get better and it does get better. You start making better choices, which equals better actions and creates more inner strength which works on getting shame-based thinking to the curb.

Well I hope this quick article helps someone out there who may be struggling with feeling bad during the holidays. I understand and have been there so that’s why I know these strategies work. I’ve tried them and have succeeded at staying sober and sane which is my holiday wish for you. If you try them and they don’t then perhaps seeking the advice of a mental health professional may be appropriate.

Please comment below if you have any questions or ways you beat those crappy shame feelings when they come up.

Tips on how to cope with feelings of shame during the holidays when around others

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Why Meditation Should Be Your Jam

Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Self-Care / December 10, 2018

Meditation is easy to do and helps improve your mood

I have unfortunately always been the “nervous type worry wart”☹ as my mother would tell me. I typically worried about this and that, stressed about life in general which did not make me a happy camper by any stretch of the imagination.

I found meditation a little over a year ago and it has been a complete game changer in my life. I wanted to share meditations benefits with you and encourage you to give it a try because it has honestly changed my life and in an awesome way.

Now initially I was like “hmmmmmm no flippin’ way can I clear my ADD brain of swirly whirly thoughts like EVVVVVEEEERRRR”. With A.D.D. (Attention Deficit D/O) I find that at times thoughts can be going high speed and it is difficult to calm down so clearing my mind, to be real- I was a complete doubter.

I thought it was a bunch of hippie (peace-light-love) BS. Oh and BTW if you are into that hippie (peace-light-love) stuff that’s cool but it’s just not my personality probably due to a life time of stress and worry 😉.

So here’s the exciting part of this post, it actually worked and here’s what happened for me:

I was able to relax 😊
I was able to sleep easier and longer (soooo awesome!!!!)
I was able to NOT focus on worries or thoughts that had been bothering me andfeel relaxed
I was able to feel more grounded
And the best part I know I became more pleasantto be around (let’s be real, stressed out = more irritable)

I started small because honestly, I did not want to waste a bunch of time on something that did not work. I was already stressed out and over committed so who has time to waste with meditation/napping as I initially thought. (enter big ole’ eye roll, silly Cindy ha..ha..)

Anyways I found a channel on YouTube that was about everyone has 4 minutes to meditate or something to that effect and I started with that. The instructor was pleasant and did guided meditation which was cool.

Initially I found my mind/thoughts saying to myself during the first one for sure “seriously this doesn’t work it’s stupid. I don’t feel relaxed…” and the list continued in a negative fashion, but I stuck with it. I would do it daily and I found that sitting or laying down relaxing for a few minutes did make me feel calmer and have a better attitude.

Sooooo fast forward a year or 2 and here I am. I now meditate daily. I have downloaded the app, Calm out of the Google Playstore and use that on my phone. I listen if I am particularly having a stressful day or at night to the sleep stories to help fall asleep quicker.

It really does work and if you find yourself a doubter but having issues with anxiety, bad attitude or depression what is the harm in giving it a try for a few days.

Here’s the link to the YouTube channel I started with https://www.youtube.com/bexlife

Give it a try. I would love to hear your thoughts below. Does meditation work for you? Have you seen an improvement in your mood?

If you would like to learn more about meditation click here and book your free 15 min recovery strategy call

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The Best Ways I Have Found to Stay Positive

Anxiety, Depression / July 28, 2018

I decided to write this blog post because I know how hard it can be to keep a positive mindset when things aren’t going your way and sometimes I find this difficult even with being a counselor. 😉 Yes, many times life is challenging for us in the field too.

I must say I have learned what to do when I find myself having negative thoughts about challenges or circumstances so that I can quickly change it around but it has taken time and practice.

So here are some ideas that I find helpful and I truly hope they help you too 😊:

I repeat sayings/quotes that remind me that problems don’t last forever

This technique is helpful because guess what all problems are temporary and especially when I take the emotional aspects out of it. Also I find just by saying these out loud or even to myself get me out of that emotional brain and back into the rational one.

A key tip that I use is post motivational quotes on index cards or post it notes around my house. They are hanging on my bathroom mirror and over the coffee maker 😉

Few examples:
- “This won’t last forever.”
- “Problems are temporary.”
- “You’re overthinking this.”

2) I read something about being positive

This is helpful to me because typically after a few minutes of reading I find myself feeling much better about the situation.

My Recent Fav’s ( I just read both and they are very good)

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3) I listen to a guided meditation and take a nap

Yes, I know this is sort of like avoiding a problem but it does get me out of my head and focusing/listening to the voice of the meditation for a little bit. I find I can easily relax and typically fall asleep which is fine because I find if I am not well rested, problems look extremely bigger and more frustrating than they really are in reality.

My Fav’s

I currently use the App called Calm but Headspace is another good one. You can find these in your phone’s play store.

4) Finally I let go!

This is a game changer when you let go of things outside of your control. Initially it takes time to get regular at doing this but if you find that a problem is overwhelming remind yourself what actually is within your control? Very little really.

Also do what you can to fix the issue and once that you have done that let it go. I truly believe God, the Universe or whomever is your higher power will take it from there.

Also remember it all goes back to the fact that all problems are temporary and focus on taking good care of yourself while you are waiting for the situation to change.

I truly hope these suggestions helps someone because I know they help me now that I have implemented them into my day. I have found that problems or circumstances that I don’t understand do not upset me for as long as they used too and I no longer find myself being a depressed, anxious mess.

Give them a try and let me know below how you remain positive when life is not going your way or seems overwhelming.

If you would like some help with learning to be more positive, click here to book your free 15 min recovery strategy call

To learn more about me, check out my LinkedIn profile

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The Secret of Why Your Life Is Like a Fish tank

Anxiety, Depression, Happiness, Negative Thoughts, Self-Esteem / July 17, 2018

I was reading a book by Joyce Meyer recently (see below) and just completed it the other night. A super quick read which I totally love when I like a book enough to blast through it. Anyways part of my relaxation/sleep routine is read a few pages before bedtime. It helps me get in the chill zone.

There was an analogy in the book about life being like a fish tank. I wanted to share this insight with you because actually it has been helpful to me and one of those “Ahhhhh” moments in my life. 🙂

In the book and I’m totally paraphrasing but the main point was look at your life like a fish tank. It will reflect how healthy you are.

So here is an exercise:

Shut your eyes and think of a big fish tank, you know the 50 gallon type that are typically in the Doctor’s office what do you see?

I see beautiful clear water with bubbles, all types of bright, vibrant colored fish swimming around, cool tank décor and then lots of healthy looking plants. It looks peaceful and relaxing. Do you see that? Can you hear the sound? I sure do and love looking at tanks like this.

Now at the opposite end of the spectrum is the sick fish tank ☹. How can you tell that tank is sick and has not been maintained or is overall doing poorly? The tank has cloudy water, algae on the glass and all over the tank. The fish are floating belly up or not really moving around and hanging out on the bottom of the tank barely moving. Can you picture that? I can….it looks sick and unkempt.

In the same way, our life or environment which is a main contributor to our mental health and moods are like a fish tank. It takes a bit of work to maintain a fish tank in good working order and guess what the same goes for you and your mental health.

In a healthy fish tank, the water temperature and quality need to be right. It’s a fine balance. There also needs to be compatible fish in the tank.

When a fish tank is not in balance, what happens? The fish fight and don’t survive (sometimes somebody eats the other ☹ ☹ ). It’s quite a struggle.

In the same way, when life becomes unbalanced whether it’s having toxic, unsupportive people around you and the self-care slips, it causes a problem to your mind, body and spirit. Depression, anxiety and stress can become overwhelming.

However, when one identifies underlying issues like dysfunctional relationships, puts themselves as the priority and corrects negative mindsets, they become happier and stress well when it occurs is easily handled.

So my question to you is how is your tank???? Is it beautiful and relaxing or sick and unkempt?

Here are some questions to ask yourself about your own situation?

Is your home or work environment peaceful, inviting and relaxing or messy, stressful and dirty?
What are the state of your relationships? Are they supportive and fun or toxic and demotivating?
Do you take care of yourself or do you find yourself not having enough time for that in your day?

Answering these questions will help you be able to determine what can be tweaked so that you are happier and less depressed or anxious.

Sooooo let me know in the comments below what you discovered.

If you need some help with managing stress and self-care, click here to book a free 15 min recovery journey call

To learn more about me check out my LinkedIn profile

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4 Tips to Skyrocket Your Recovery

Addiction, Anxiety, Depression / June 29, 2018

Recovery can mean a lot of different things to different people. To me recovery can mean from a loss, addiction, divorce or mental health issue like depression and anxiety.

I looked it up and the actual definition means “to return to a normal state of health, mind or strength.” I like that definition because before recovery, there is nothing more than complete negative thinking and no or totally poor attempts to cope with those thoughts.

I want to give you 4 tips that will help give you the foundation to skyrocket your recovery from whatever state you are presently in to a stronger one.

1 Get Around Like Minded People

This is important to any recovery. You become like the people you are mostly around. For example, if I am trying to not be depressed or anxious or drunk/high and I am around depressed, anxious, drunk or high people, guess what? I will probably be depressed, anxious, drunk and high.

We become who we are around. The 12 step programs say watch your people, places and things to avoid relapse. It’s correct. Look at your mood when you are around people, does it match? Probably close or if not it will become like the group.

Therefore, the fix get around like minded people. For example, if I want to be successful in my career, then I want to get around positive, successful people who are moving forward in their career. If I hang out with people that hate their jobs then I bet in a few I’ll hate my job too.

Check your mood when you around the “glass ½ empty people”. I guarantee your mood will be lower when you part ways. These people are energy suckers like vampires. They suck that positive energy or excitement right out of you. They are draining.

2 Self Care

This one is actually a very important step that most people pretty much blow off. Self care is huge. Most people say “I’m too busy. I don’t have time.” If one does not take good care of themselves, recovery is darn near impossible. We are created with a mind, body and soul. All 3 need to be in congruence and working efficiently together to move away from negative mood states which many times lead to substance abuse.

To me that means, eating a balanced way. It doesn’t have to be completely healthy (I love Taco Tuesday just like the next guy) but just well-rounded. So maybe Taco Tuesday and then a few days of eating healthy.

If I tell myself, “Cindy you will never eat any cake again”, I am completely setting myself up for failure because guess what I like cake. I don’t deprive myself of cake but I don’t eat it every day either. It’s all about moderation and reasonable expectations. That’s the key.

Move a bit and give the screen a rest. This country is stuck in the screen (tv, cell phone , laptop or Playstation). I am guilty of this too I’m not going lie but seriously sometimes it has to be put down. Life is worth living and experiencing.

Sometimes to give myself a “mental health” break I go sit quietly by myself at the beach. I shut my eyes, breathe and just listen. I love that time because it gives me a break from the running around frenzied feeling. Have you ever been at that pace? The crazy running around one? Well how is that helpful to any recovery? It’s not.

3 If It Happened in the Past, Leave That Shit There

Hmmmmm…….. Yep, the past is the past. Many people get hung up on this one because they keep reliving every bad experience over and over which hinders any recovery. I hate to break this to you but the past cannot be changed……EVER.. so get out of that “I would have…should have…could have…” mindset.

The past is a reminder of where you were at one time. Not today and hopefully not ever again. Looking back at the past shows you how much stronger you are today.

For example, if you were addicted to something like drugs or alcohol, well guess what you aren’t today because drunk or high people are not reading this right now they are hungover or sleeping. If you were depressed and thinking of hurting yourself previously, you aren’t today because you are reading this about recovery which means remember the definition, you are returning “to a normal state” and you are interested in doing that for yourself.

We all have past experiences that weren’t all cotton candy and roses but the most important thing is they do not define who you are or who you will be. Let that shit go (there’s a reason there is a t-shirt that says that 😉 )

4 You Are NOT a Bad Person!!!

This is true you are not a bad person. You have lived through possibly bad experiences and circumstances but as I said earlier they do not define you. We all make bad choices, mistakes and decisions at some point. Have you ever met a perfect person? Me either.

I look at my past and view it as stepping stones to where I am today. I am not the same girl I was 5…10…20 years ago at all and neither are you.

People may have told you that you are bad, stupid or what you did was awful, but you know what…. Always consider the source. People that are telling you that are not are telling you the truth. They are projecting insecurities or things inside themselves onto you.

People that are good supportive people are not ones that find fault. Ignore the statements and consider who told you that. Many times these negative BS statements can be family members, teachers or so called professionals in the legal system. The takeaway is they are BS statements!

You define who you are! You say who you are! If you don’t like being depressed, you can change it. If you don’t like being anxious, you can change it. If you don’t like using drugs or alcohol, once again you can change it.

This is the cool part of recovery. You can change yourself to what ever or whomever you would like to be. It does not matter what others think or say because you and only you are in charge of you.

As always these tips will be helpful to some and not to others because guess what, recovery is a completely personal process and different for everyone because we are all different. Some tips may work for you and some not. I know that I have personally tried the things I am asking you to try and they have worked to help me be stronger, more peaceful and actually to where I am loving my life. My wish is that for you too.

Life is meant to be lived and not endured. When you have truly entered into recovery, you will find peace from the past and that is just wonderful. Yes, the real cotton candy and roses times 😊

If at any point you do feel this is way too overwhelming for you please reach out to me so I can get you connected with a mental health professional in your area.

If you have any tips on how you have recovered from negative thinking or addictions, please comment below. I would love to hear your thoughts and you never know you may help someone that is reading this too.

Let’s connect on Social Media! The links are on the blog 😊

For more info about me, check out my LinkedIn profile

Ready to start your recovery journey, go to the Book a Session page to book your free 15 min recovery journey strategy call today

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5 Common Myths about Anxiety

Anxiety, Depression, Negative Thoughts / June 26, 2018

Anxiety is tough and if you are reading this I think you know what it is. We have all felt anxiety over time and some worse than others. Anxiety is that keyed up feeling or sense of dread, fear or being out of control. It can cause a person a lot of suffering if it is not handled effectively. Many people suffer from anxiety disorders which often time leads to depression. There are many ways that anxiety and depression for that matter can be treated. Therapy and medication have been quite helpful.

I am not promoting medication in this article. It is realistic to see that there is therapeutic value of medication especially benzodiazepines (Xanax, Klonopin and the like) for treating anxiety. However I also see how it is over prescribed. Those types of medication are designed for a very short period of time and many mental health prescribers not all of course feel that they are the end all, cure to anxiety and that is just not true.

Below are 5 common myths to anxiety that I typically discuss with people. These are myths and I am going to bust them. Ever see that show, Myth Busters 🙂 well it’s a really cool show so let’s give it a whirl.

Anxiety will go away by itself

Anxiety typically will not go away by itself. In fact, if not addressed it can worsen. One must identify what is the underlying fear/theme. Many times people can explore this with a therapist. Therapists are great because they are not sitting smack dab in the middle of your anxious thoughts. They are non-judgmental listeners who can help you identify what is that underlying thought that is causing the issue and how can a strategy be built that can correct it.

Unwinding with a drink will help anxiety go away

In the short term, sure alcohol is a depressant. It relaxes you and chances are if you are really anxious it will relax you and make you feel tired. However, alcohol is tricky because it can become a habit or the brains automatic go-to thought when a person wants to relax.

Think of it this way have you ever met a person that said “Hey, let’s be an alcoholic or maybe a drug addict.” Of course not, addiction doesn’t work that way. It sneaks up on a person little by little. It’s more effective to find a different way to relax the mind like listening to a guided meditation. When you focus totally on the guided meditation, anxiety will leave. Remember the brain can only do one thing effectively at a time.

If you are anxious, you should avoid what is making you feel anxious

This seems realistic right? If I avoid what makes me anxious, I will not be anxious anymore. Nope, total myth and here is why. When you avoid something that you are dreading, the brain goes into a sort of safety mode. It is saying…..”whew…. we avoided that and now we are safe.”

Well the problem with that is that the brain is also very good at making difficulties seem a lot more threatening than they typically are. If I keep avoiding the fear, then it becomes bigger and unrealistic for the most part. The anxiety associated with the fear increases. Phobias are like that. They are very misleading but to the person suffering from them, they are very debilitating.

Some people are just worriers and will always be that way

Like anything else, anxiety has been linked to heredity. Basically if your parents were worriers or very anxious than there’s a more likely chance you will be too. That statement which is interesting because sure, there is more chance because aside from the genetic factor there are environmental factors.

Have you ever been around someone who is very anxious and then find yourself becoming anxious? Yep, I have for real and my mother was anxious. I think some of our responses to various situations have a genetic and environmental component but does that mean they are set in stone.

Of course not, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT has been proven to be quite effective in learning to cope with anxiety issues. This type of therapy focuses on changing or challenging thoughts and negative thinking patterns. It focuses on identifying and solving the problem.

Anxiety is bad for a person

Well all anxiety is not completely bad for a person. However, it can feel pretty darn awful at the time you are feeling it. If you challenge the anxious thoughts and persevere through to the other side of the fear, I guarantee you will feel more confident, accomplished and better.

I have experienced anxiety, well we all have, and I don’t like it. I have found that when I acknowledge it, calm down and push through it, I have been more confident and overall felt better. I also have found with my own anxiety that I typically have made the issue/fear whatever it is way more bigger than it actually is.

When I view the underlying issue realistically, it is a completely irrational viewpoint. This is how I conquer feelings of panic and anxiety when they occur, which they do from time to time but not as often as they used to for real. I stop, breathe and say to myself, “Ok, you have calmed down before and you will today. This thought or feeling will pass. All problems will work out the way it is supposed to work out.”

Key Take Aways

So some key take-aways from this post are: anxiety has an underlying theme/fear that needs to be identified; anxiety can be conquered and most importantly you are not alone or flawed for feeling anxiety. We all have felt anxiety at some point in our lives.

Please comment below about any anxiety myths you have heard and how you busted them. You never know you may be able to help someone else.

Also if you find that anxiety is causing you to stay stuck and unable to move forward towards goals and such, please reach out for the free session. Justs fill out the form on this page and I will be in contact with you shortly. No obligation I just want to help others move forward. I can help you determine the next best step to help you conquer this and move forward to achieve your goals.

If you need help with your anxiety, please click the link to book a free 15 min strategy call so we can talk about it.

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My Top 5 Self Help Reads to Increase Happiness! Number 3 Is My Favorite

Anxiety, Depression, Happiness, Negative Thoughts / June 19, 2018

Keeping a positive mindset when life gets tough can be difficult to say the least. I’ve always been an avid reader. It helps me relax as well as learn new things but mostly it keeps my mind in a glass half full kinda way.

I love books, real books not e-books so I’m one that has a huge collection. I know I will always be that way. I wanted to share what I have learned and below is my list of top 5 books that I have enjoyed, learned a bunch from and well, kept me moving forward positively I might add over the past few years.

Also as a little PS in the disclaimer dept, since I’m such a Prime junkie 😉 and order all the time from Amazon for books. I became an affiliate, so these book links are affiliate links which means if you do choose to get one of these books, we both win. No pressure but I think you will find them useful to you and that’s why I want to share what I found there.

1) 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life by Andrea Owen

This book was one big game changer for me and helped me embrace my inner bad-ass. 😊 The author discusses 52 ways to change your life and for the good. It’s a quick read or the type once you’re into it, you can’t put it down. When I need a quick confidence boost, I reach for this. Andrea did hit the mark with this book. It addresses confidence, finding peace, relationship issues and low self esteem in a straight forward no BS type of way. Totally one of my favs!

2) Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Karyl McBride, Ph.D.

This book is helpful in learning how to cope with your own thoughts as well as current or past dysfunctional relationship with your mother. I’m not going to lie not all relationships between mother’s and daughter’s are wonderful.

This book really delves into the ways growing up in this type of family dynamic can affect your entire life from work, relationships and yes, even how you parent. I think there is just not enough resources on this very subject matter. If you have ever felt frustrated or said to yourself, “I don’t get it. It’s never good enough” this may be the book to check out.

3) Embrace Your Magnificence by Fabienne Frederickson

This book is inspiring and also one that I highly recommend. I found that I read it and then kept going back to it when I am feeling depressed and not confident about myself.

Fabienne hits the mark in talking about changing one’s view of oneself and embracing the magnificence that we all have. She breaks it down into easy to read chapters about forgiving yourself and others, trusting yourself and reaching beyond fear and resistance. It was recommended by a lovely business coach and it is truly another one of my all time favs.

4) Codependency for Dummies by Darlene Lancer, MFT

This book has been another game changer in my life after a few failed attempts at successful relationships. I found it helpful to be able to identify unhealthy thinking patterns in my own life. Plus I love all the Dummies genre type books because well they keep it simple and that is how I tend to understand things better.

Also what is great about this book is that it breaks down the whole codependency deal by explaining it in depth, helping you discover if you are truly codependent in relationships and if so, how you got that way as well as teaching you skills to leave that in the past and move forward to healthier relationships with others. Total game changer 😉

5) You’re Not Crazy – It’s Your Mother (Understanding and healing for daughters of narcissistic mothers) by Danu Morrigan

Ok I’m not gonna lie…..what totally initially drew my attention to this book was the title!!! 😉 Love it!! and if you have struggled at times in a relationship with your mother, I think you are going to like this book too.

This is another good and helpful resource that discusses difficult relationships between a narcissistic mother and her daughter. I found it extremely helpful for my own life as many times I did not understand my relationship with my mother. I was doubtful of my own impressions of conversations/interactions with her. This book helps by discussing the issue as well as how to heal from the effects of the relationship. I highly recommend this book also.

So that rounds out my current top 5 list of reads that will help increase your happiness. Yes, it is actually getting down to the nitty gritty and looking at parts of yourself that perhaps you don’t want to but I have found to be happy you truly do need to look and then address that ugly stuff.

These resources are all super reasonably priced and to me they are certainly super worthy of so much more. They have helped me personally as well as help me help others who are hurting. Check them out 🙂

Also leave your top self-help reads in the comments below. I’m always looking for a great new book to read. 🙂

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4 Ways to Put an End to Anxiety Without Meds

Anxiety / June 5, 2018

Anxiety can be a wicked beast if you let it. Ask anyone who suffers from it. It is more than a few butterflies in your stomach. People that suffer from anxiety truly are experiencing pain and sometimes in a real physical sense. Anxiety most of the time connects with depression. The two typically go together like peanut butter and jelly.

This article is going to discuss 4 ways that you can end mild to moderate anxiety without the use of medications or at the very least minimize it to where it is manageable.

Tip #1 : Re Write the Script

Think back to the last time you felt anxious. Thoughts were probably going through your head such as “What if the job interview doesn’t work out? What if they don’t like me? What if the guy doesn’t call me for another date? What if it hurts? What if I can’t pay the bills? What if….. (enter whatever you like) ” The list can be endless right?

When a “What If” statement pops into your head, immediately shoot it down because what if statements are based out of trying to predict something that is going to occur in the future and we do not know what is going to happen unless you are a psychic or something. The “What If” is outside of our control.

An effective way to control these thoughts is to rewrite the script in your head and look at the situation with a glass half full approach. Take the examples from earlier, “If that job interview doesn’t work out, well ok it probably wasn’t a good fit for me anyways and you know what they say when one door closes another one opens.” “If they don’t like me, well ok I don’t like being around judgmental people anyways, so I can look for other friends that are more like me.” Try to rewrite what comes in your head.

Tip # 2: Determine the Trigger

Anxiety typically is triggered by something like an event, a person, whatever. One will be more able to effectively cope with it once you identify the trigger or what initiated the anxious feeling. Identifying the trigger is key to tip 2.

After the anxiety passes and it does always pass. Sit and consider the source of it. Is it a person, an insecurity within yourself or a previous event? Is it from a past trauma or someone not treating you right?

These subconscious triggers from the past many times with initiate a feeling of anxiety or worse panic attacks. Once you identify the triggers, you can formulate a strategy to combat them.

For instance, and this is an elementary example but all I can think of at the moment, I truly hate snakes and am scared of them. I don’t want to be in the same room as them. If we are planning a trip to the zoo, I mentally prepare a plan. While everyone else is enjoying the reptile house, I will be waiting outside. If for some reason I end up in the reptile house, I will breathe deeply and slowly a few times. I will give myself a gentle reminder that they are all behind glass and that I am safe and keep walking through.

Another example perhaps in line with an insecurity from the past would be like this, I get anxious when people yell around me. When I look at the trigger for that perhaps it is how I grew up or the result of a previous relationship. When I recognize the trigger I realize hold on, I can set a boundary (rule) that if you want to be my friend or want me to stick around there will be no yelling.

I can also view it as this way, if I get anxious when someone is yelling, perhaps it’s my brain clicking into the fight or flight mode which is totally plausible since someone is yelling. I hope you see what I am saying by rationalizing the thought. I can get myself out of that situation and calm myself back down.

The key takeaway is to identify the trigger and plan a strategy to overcome anxious thoughts/feelings when meeting that trigger again in the future. What is your plan?

Tip # 3: Deep Breathing & Mindfulness Does Work

Oh snap, I know what you are thinking….she went to the deep breathing mindfulness hippie route. Actually I am only giving tips that I know work because I have tried them and have overcame anxiety without medication. I believe we all have struggled with some type of anxiety at some point in our lives.

Let’s look at this further, when I focus completely on my breath and breathe in slow and deep. The type with the inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth, you will relax or at least it will give you a point to stop feeding the anxious thoughts and focus on one thing…….breathing.

When an anxious thought comes like “I can’t calm down and I’m feeling panicked”, stop that thought and focus entirely and completely on your breath. This is where mindfulness comes in because you are staying in that exact moment. Say to yourself “Deep breath in…. deep breath out….” Or you can count to 3 for each inhale and exhale. Another example of what you can say to yourself is “I can calm down. I have calmed down before and I will today too.”

Tip # 4: Plan Ahead with Taking Care of Yourself

Anxiety typically hits the worst when you are over stressed, overwhelmed or trying to control a situation that is completely out of your control. In the mental health field, we are taught and stress the importance of self-care, which is basically taking good care of yourself.

For myself I find that anxiety and depression will increase if my life gets out of whack or balance like I’m working too much or not recognizing the fact that I do not have control over others and situations pretty much. To maintain a healthy body and mind, one must focus and place importance in taking care of yourself.

So that means getting a check up, taking vitamins if you eat a lot of junk (junk food is called junk food for a reason….it’s tasty junk but all the same junk you can’t eat it all the time and expect to feel good), drink more water and perhaps exercise. If you are not into that, that’s cool neither am I (cardio….ugh just the word makes me tired) so I do yoga and meditate which helps ground me, increases my self-esteem and keeps my mood positive.

There was a brief period in my life I took anti-anxiety medication and honestly it did calm me down temporarily, but it didn’t fix the problem in the long run. It was a band aid for the moment. Overall it made me feel sluggish and my mood more depressed because I was feeling more sluggish and therefore not positive about anything and especially since I thought I couldn’t even control my own anxieties. Make sense probably not lol… but I do get how awful anxiety and depression feels and how it continues with a snowball effect.

Everyone is different and if you struggle with anxiety try these tips as they do not require medication. I understand the therapeutic value of medication and for some it is very effective, but I do know these tips do work for people. If your anxiety is still not being managed by these suggestions, seek out a licensed mental health provider in your area. They will be able to assess the issue and suggest treatment options.

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Embracing Fears and Eliminating Them from Your Life

Anxiety, Depression, Negative Thoughts / May 29, 2018

Fear is a funny thing and overcoming it…not so funny. Fear can keep one trapped in a rut in life limiting your potential. Most people don’t like change. Shoot I don’t like it but I do know when you don’t change you get stalled in life where you don’t grow, you don’t move forward and basically you just exist.

We are all meant to do more than that in life. We all have a true-life purpose being here. Everyone has their own gifts, strengths and talents and when we don’t pursue them, well life appears overwhelming, depressing and just hum-drum. Depression and anxiety will mount where we are filled with regrets, wants and then fear.

Here’s a tip how to overcome that fear of change and move forward in life to fulfill your passion and achieve your full potential which in other words makes you more successful and happy.

Embrace Change

When life is not changing, and you find yourself stuck in a rut, take a risk, make a change and embrace it. Change is scary I’m not going to lie but you know what without change we don’t achieve happiness and satisfaction. Take a chance, change and pursue what you are passionate about. Now I’m not talking about changing without a plan. An action plan is something easy you can do to embrace change without crashing and burning in the process from stress.

Take your big goal whatever it may be let’s say for example starting a business, taking a risk like selling your artwork or whatever it may be. Create an action plan with baby steps to achieve that goal. For example, let’s say you are wanting to sell your art or crafts. The big goal is I want to sell my ……..(whatever it may be). Do some research. Check out Etsy and other people that are successfully selling arts or crafts like yours. Next step sign up and make a page for Etsy. Create a price or ad for your product. Go for it and list the product for sale. See the big goal has been broken down into manageable steps to achieve the big goal.

You will find when you break down a goal that will change your life into little manageable steps your life will be happier. Stress will be removed because you need to do one small step at a time in lieu of taking the big goal and feeling as if you must achieve it to obtain success. If you break it down there is no fear and anxiety because you are moving forward one step at a time. If the baby step doesn’t work that is where you re-examine it and modify that step and of course, try again.

Using this method can make you successful in any type of goal you may use to improve your life. You can use this for losing weight, exercising, eating better, pursuing an interest, etc…

Try this plan next time you fear making a change and embrace it. You will find when the big goal is broken down into action steps you will not be so overwhelmed, the issue won’t look so big and you will be able to continue to move forward. Depression and anxiety will lessen and fear….well you can say “Bye Felicia” to the fear.

Life’s too short to be anything but happy and at peace. Fear of change and success will just lead to more depression and anxiety. Take a risk and move forward one baby step at a time.

If you find fear is keeping you stuck and cemented in your place where you can’t move forward, contact me by clicking Here to get a free 30 min session by phone or Zoom. I can help you come up with the plan to move forward.

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Key Take Aways