Depression

4 Tips to Skyrocket Your Recovery

Addiction, Anxiety, Depression / June 29, 2018

Recovery can mean a lot of different things to different people. To me recovery can mean from a loss, addiction, divorce or mental health issue like depression and anxiety.

I looked it up and the actual definition means “to return to a normal state of health, mind or strength.” I like that definition because before recovery, there is nothing more than complete negative thinking and no or totally poor attempts to cope with those thoughts.

I want to give you 4 tips that will help give you the foundation to skyrocket your recovery from whatever state you are presently in to a stronger one.

1 Get Around Like Minded People

This is important to any recovery. You become like the people you are mostly around. For example, if I am trying to not be depressed or anxious or drunk/high and I am around depressed, anxious, drunk or high people, guess what? I will probably be depressed, anxious, drunk and high.

We become who we are around. The 12 step programs say watch your people, places and things to avoid relapse. It’s correct. Look at your mood when you are around people, does it match? Probably close or if not it will become like the group.

Therefore, the fix get around like minded people. For example, if I want to be successful in my career, then I want to get around positive, successful people who are moving forward in their career. If I hang out with people that hate their jobs then I bet in a few I’ll hate my job too.

Check your mood when you around the “glass ½ empty people”. I guarantee your mood will be lower when you part ways. These people are energy suckers like vampires. They suck that positive energy or excitement right out of you. They are draining.

2 Self Care

This one is actually a very important step that most people pretty much blow off. Self care is huge. Most people say “I’m too busy. I don’t have time.” If one does not take good care of themselves, recovery is darn near impossible. We are created with a mind, body and soul. All 3 need to be in congruence and working efficiently together to move away from negative mood states which many times lead to substance abuse.

To me that means, eating a balanced way. It doesn’t have to be completely healthy (I love Taco Tuesday just like the next guy) but just well-rounded. So maybe Taco Tuesday and then a few days of eating healthy.

If I tell myself, “Cindy you will never eat any cake again”, I am completely setting myself up for failure because guess what I like cake. I don’t deprive myself of cake but I don’t eat it every day either. It’s all about moderation and reasonable expectations. That’s the key.

Move a bit and give the screen a rest. This country is stuck in the screen (tv, cell phone , laptop or Playstation). I am guilty of this too I’m not going lie but seriously sometimes it has to be put down. Life is worth living and experiencing.

Sometimes to give myself a “mental health” break I go sit quietly by myself at the beach. I shut my eyes, breathe and just listen. I love that time because it gives me a break from the running around frenzied feeling. Have you ever been at that pace? The crazy running around one? Well how is that helpful to any recovery? It’s not.

3 If It Happened in the Past, Leave That Shit There

Hmmmmm…….. Yep, the past is the past. Many people get hung up on this one because they keep reliving every bad experience over and over which hinders any recovery. I hate to break this to you but the past cannot be changed……EVER.. so get out of that “I would have…should have…could have…” mindset.

The past is a reminder of where you were at one time. Not today and hopefully not ever again. Looking back at the past shows you how much stronger you are today.

For example, if you were addicted to something like drugs or alcohol, well guess what you aren’t today because drunk or high people are not reading this right now they are hungover or sleeping. If you were depressed and thinking of hurting yourself previously, you aren’t today because you are reading this about recovery which means remember the definition, you are returning “to a normal state” and you are interested in doing that for yourself.

We all have past experiences that weren’t all cotton candy and roses but the most important thing is they do not define who you are or who you will be. Let that shit go (there’s a reason there is a t-shirt that says that 😉 )

4 You Are NOT a Bad Person!!!

This is true you are not a bad person. You have lived through possibly bad experiences and circumstances but as I said earlier they do not define you. We all make bad choices, mistakes and decisions at some point. Have you ever met a perfect person? Me either.

I look at my past and view it as stepping stones to where I am today. I am not the same girl I was 5…10…20 years ago at all and neither are you.

People may have told you that you are bad, stupid or what you did was awful, but you know what…. Always consider the source. People that are telling you that are not are telling you the truth. They are projecting insecurities or things inside themselves onto you.

People that are good supportive people are not ones that find fault. Ignore the statements and consider who told you that. Many times these negative BS statements can be family members, teachers or so called professionals in the legal system. The takeaway is they are BS statements!

You define who you are! You say who you are! If you don’t like being depressed, you can change it. If you don’t like being anxious, you can change it. If you don’t like using drugs or alcohol, once again you can change it.

This is the cool part of recovery. You can change yourself to what ever or whomever you would like to be. It does not matter what others think or say because you and only you are in charge of you.

As always these tips will be helpful to some and not to others because guess what, recovery is a completely personal process and different for everyone because we are all different. Some tips may work for you and some not. I know that I have personally tried the things I am asking you to try and they have worked to help me be stronger, more peaceful and actually to where I am loving my life. My wish is that for you too.

Life is meant to be lived and not endured. When you have truly entered into recovery, you will find peace from the past and that is just wonderful. Yes, the real cotton candy and roses times 😊

If at any point you do feel this is way too overwhelming for you please reach out to me so I can get you connected with a mental health professional in your area.

If you have any tips on how you have recovered from negative thinking or addictions, please comment below. I would love to hear your thoughts and you never know you may help someone that is reading this too.

Let’s connect on Social Media! The links are on the blog 😊

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5 Common Myths about Anxiety

Anxiety, Depression, Negative Thoughts / June 26, 2018

Anxiety is tough and if you are reading this I think you know what it is. We have all felt anxiety over time and some worse than others. Anxiety is that keyed up feeling or sense of dread, fear or being out of control. It can cause a person a lot of suffering if it is not handled effectively. Many people suffer from anxiety disorders which often time leads to depression. There are many ways that anxiety and depression for that matter can be treated. Therapy and medication have been quite helpful.

I am not promoting medication in this article. It is realistic to see that there is therapeutic value of medication especially benzodiazepines (Xanax, Klonopin and the like) for treating anxiety. However I also see how it is over prescribed. Those types of medication are designed for a very short period of time and many mental health prescribers not all of course feel that they are the end all, cure to anxiety and that is just not true.

Below are 5 common myths to anxiety that I typically discuss with people. These are myths and I am going to bust them. Ever see that show, Myth Busters 🙂 well it’s a really cool show so let’s give it a whirl.

Anxiety will go away by itself

Anxiety typically will not go away by itself. In fact, if not addressed it can worsen. One must identify what is the underlying fear/theme. Many times people can explore this with a therapist. Therapists are great because they are not sitting smack dab in the middle of your anxious thoughts. They are non-judgmental listeners who can help you identify what is that underlying thought that is causing the issue and how can a strategy be built that can correct it.

Unwinding with a drink will help anxiety go away

In the short term, sure alcohol is a depressant. It relaxes you and chances are if you are really anxious it will relax you and make you feel tired. However, alcohol is tricky because it can become a habit or the brains automatic go-to thought when a person wants to relax.

Think of it this way have you ever met a person that said “Hey, let’s be an alcoholic or maybe a drug addict.” Of course not, addiction doesn’t work that way. It sneaks up on a person little by little. It’s more effective to find a different way to relax the mind like listening to a guided meditation. When you focus totally on the guided meditation, anxiety will leave. Remember the brain can only do one thing effectively at a time.

If you are anxious, you should avoid what is making you feel anxious

This seems realistic right? If I avoid what makes me anxious, I will not be anxious anymore. Nope, total myth and here is why. When you avoid something that you are dreading, the brain goes into a sort of safety mode. It is saying…..”whew…. we avoided that and now we are safe.”

Well the problem with that is that the brain is also very good at making difficulties seem a lot more threatening than they typically are. If I keep avoiding the fear, then it becomes bigger and unrealistic for the most part. The anxiety associated with the fear increases. Phobias are like that. They are very misleading but to the person suffering from them, they are very debilitating.

Some people are just worriers and will always be that way

Like anything else, anxiety has been linked to heredity. Basically if your parents were worriers or very anxious than there’s a more likely chance you will be too. That statement which is interesting because sure, there is more chance because aside from the genetic factor there are environmental factors.

Have you ever been around someone who is very anxious and then find yourself becoming anxious? Yep, I have for real and my mother was anxious. I think some of our responses to various situations have a genetic and environmental component but does that mean they are set in stone.

Of course not, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT has been proven to be quite effective in learning to cope with anxiety issues. This type of therapy focuses on changing or challenging thoughts and negative thinking patterns. It focuses on identifying and solving the problem.

Anxiety is bad for a person

Well all anxiety is not completely bad for a person. However, it can feel pretty darn awful at the time you are feeling it. If you challenge the anxious thoughts and persevere through to the other side of the fear, I guarantee you will feel more confident, accomplished and better.

I have experienced anxiety, well we all have, and I don’t like it. I have found that when I acknowledge it, calm down and push through it, I have been more confident and overall felt better. I also have found with my own anxiety that I typically have made the issue/fear whatever it is way more bigger than it actually is.

When I view the underlying issue realistically, it is a completely irrational viewpoint. This is how I conquer feelings of panic and anxiety when they occur, which they do from time to time but not as often as they used to for real. I stop, breathe and say to myself, “Ok, you have calmed down before and you will today. This thought or feeling will pass. All problems will work out the way it is supposed to work out.”

Key Take Aways

So some key take-aways from this post are: anxiety has an underlying theme/fear that needs to be identified; anxiety can be conquered and most importantly you are not alone or flawed for feeling anxiety. We all have felt anxiety at some point in our lives.

Please comment below about any anxiety myths you have heard and how you busted them. You never know you may be able to help someone else.

Also if you find that anxiety is causing you to stay stuck and unable to move forward towards goals and such, please reach out for the free session. Justs fill out the form on this page and I will be in contact with you shortly. No obligation I just want to help others move forward. I can help you determine the next best step to help you conquer this and move forward to achieve your goals.

If you need help with your anxiety, please click the link to book a free 15 min strategy call so we can talk about it.

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The Biggest Contributor to Low Self-Esteem

Depression, Negative Thoughts, Self-Esteem / June 21, 2018

Negative self-talk is the biggest contributor to low self-esteem. Do you know that little voice in your head that lies to you and tells you, “You’re not good enough, you can’t do this or you’re a loser.” That little nagging voice can be harmful to you and can totally bring your self-esteem down in a flash.

There are ways that you can turn that negative talk in your head into positive, moving forward, power talk that will inspire you to be your best, walk a little taller and confident. Well I want to share a few tricks that will turn those negative self defeating thoughts around.

Let Go of Perfection

Perfection is very unrealistic thinking but most people try to find it. It is also a symptom of low self-esteem. No one is perfect and no one ever will be. People are human and all make mistakes from time to time. To improve how you feel about yourself, you will need to do your best everyday even if you don’t feel like it. Forget about being perfect and just be you.

Sometimes when you experience thoughts that make you feel bad about yourself which we all do that from time to time, you need to remember these low moods will change. They are always temporary and do not stick around long. If you find yourself stuck in a low mood for a few days, consider seeing your doctor to discuss it. It may be a more serious mental health issue.

You need to be realistic in the fact that it is ok not to be perfect. Perfectionism can be a real problem because it is basically setting yourself up for failure. It’s unachievable. No one is perfect. I have never met a person who has not made some type of mistake during their life. It boils down to being realistic. Yes, we want to be perfect but if I put that type of pressure on myself I am setting myself up for disappointment when I can’t deliver perfectionism.

It comes down to setting realistic goals in your life with a step by step and sometimes a baby step plan to get there. When you make strides and check off a baby step on your list, you will find you are way more happier, feeling more confident, and yep, negative thoughts will not be the result. You will feel more accomplished and the end result, feel better about yourself. A total win 🙂

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

There is no need to compare yourself to others because guess what, everyone is wonderfully unique with their own strengths, gifts and abilities. Yep, you have them and they are different than mine. There’s no need to compare yourself to the next guy because the next guy is different than you.

So they may have an expensive car, watch, great shoes, husband, 2.5 kids, etc…. shiny things you want but the point is you need to consider most of the time things are not always what they seem. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

Many times when speaking to those people, I find they still have their own issues/problems and insecurities as crazy as that would seem. Many of them suffer from low self-esteem as well. The point is they have those old insecurities because they’re human, put their pants on the same way as you and I do. We are all people, wonderfully wacky unique people with one of a kind gifts.

So to bring us back on point, your strengths, gifts and abilities, to find them ask yourself the following questions. What you are good at? What do you have a passion for? What are your abilities? What do other people say you’re good at?

Make a list of those qualities. You will be able to create a list. Sit somewhere quietly with a piece of paper and think. Try to make a list of a minimum of 5 strengths. You can do it. We all have at least 5 of them. Trust me they’re there.

Once your identify those gifts, embrace them as yours and you will feel more positive. Look I would not recommend doing this if it did not work. I only write about skills I know works because it worked for me and if I find myself having a rough go of it, I know I do feel better when I look at the good qualities I possess and you will too.

Let Go of the Negative Self-Talk & Low Self-Esteem

Now this one is the toughest of the bunch. It becomes a bad habit quickly. The brain is pretty much hard wired to lean towards the negatives of situations. You have to make a conscious effort to go towards the positive. So what is one way a person can turn that negative mood or mindset into a positive one, try affirmations.

Affirmations are statements that are positive in nature. Remember the list you made of the 5 strengths, well here is a homework assignment. Take an index card or piece of paper about that size and make affirmations out of your strengths.

Here’s what I mean. For example, let’s say one of my strengths I came up with for my list was people tell me “You’re so friendly”. Ok so I would write on the index card “I am friendly” or “I am easy going”, or “I am a good friend” get the drift. Now follow that with the other 4 strengths written into affirmations.

Take the index card and tape it some place where you will see it many times throughout your day. For example, you can hang it on the bathroom mirror where you brush your teeth. You can place the card in your car to look at when you are stopped in traffic or even hang it on the refrigerator. I have a sticky on my computer monitor at work. The point is put the card where you will see it a lot during the day. This way you will ingrain these statements into your mind. You are retraining your brain. This simple exercise will make you feel better about yourself. This works try it.

So work on making yourself feel better, by stop comparing yourself to others, stop trying to make everything perfect no one can and finally work on getting rid of that negative self-talk with affirmations.

Ok now I want to hear what you think about low self-esteem. Please leave a comment below of how do you combat issues with it? What are your tricks to staying more positive?

Ready to start your journey to feeling better about yourself and kick low self-esteem to the curb? Click the link to book a session for your free 15 min recovery strategy call now.

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My Top 5 Self Help Reads to Increase Happiness! Number 3 Is My Favorite

Anxiety, Depression, Happiness, Negative Thoughts / June 19, 2018

Keeping a positive mindset when life gets tough can be difficult to say the least. I’ve always been an avid reader. It helps me relax as well as learn new things but mostly it keeps my mind in a glass half full kinda way.

I love books, real books not e-books so I’m one that has a huge collection. I know I will always be that way. I wanted to share what I have learned and below is my list of top 5 books that I have enjoyed, learned a bunch from and well, kept me moving forward positively I might add over the past few years.

Also as a little PS in the disclaimer dept, since I’m such a Prime junkie 😉 and order all the time from Amazon for books. I became an affiliate, so these book links are affiliate links which means if you do choose to get one of these books, we both win. No pressure but I think you will find them useful to you and that’s why I want to share what I found there.

1) 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life by Andrea Owen

This book was one big game changer for me and helped me embrace my inner bad-ass. 😊 The author discusses 52 ways to change your life and for the good. It’s a quick read or the type once you’re into it, you can’t put it down. When I need a quick confidence boost, I reach for this. Andrea did hit the mark with this book. It addresses confidence, finding peace, relationship issues and low self esteem in a straight forward no BS type of way. Totally one of my favs!

2) Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Karyl McBride, Ph.D.

This book is helpful in learning how to cope with your own thoughts as well as current or past dysfunctional relationship with your mother. I’m not going to lie not all relationships between mother’s and daughter’s are wonderful.

This book really delves into the ways growing up in this type of family dynamic can affect your entire life from work, relationships and yes, even how you parent. I think there is just not enough resources on this very subject matter. If you have ever felt frustrated or said to yourself, “I don’t get it. It’s never good enough” this may be the book to check out.

3) Embrace Your Magnificence by Fabienne Frederickson

This book is inspiring and also one that I highly recommend. I found that I read it and then kept going back to it when I am feeling depressed and not confident about myself.

Fabienne hits the mark in talking about changing one’s view of oneself and embracing the magnificence that we all have. She breaks it down into easy to read chapters about forgiving yourself and others, trusting yourself and reaching beyond fear and resistance. It was recommended by a lovely business coach and it is truly another one of my all time favs.

4) Codependency for Dummies by Darlene Lancer, MFT

This book has been another game changer in my life after a few failed attempts at successful relationships. I found it helpful to be able to identify unhealthy thinking patterns in my own life. Plus I love all the Dummies genre type books because well they keep it simple and that is how I tend to understand things better.

Also what is great about this book is that it breaks down the whole codependency deal by explaining it in depth, helping you discover if you are truly codependent in relationships and if so, how you got that way as well as teaching you skills to leave that in the past and move forward to healthier relationships with others. Total game changer 😉

5) You’re Not Crazy – It’s Your Mother (Understanding and healing for daughters of narcissistic mothers) by Danu Morrigan

Ok I’m not gonna lie…..what totally initially drew my attention to this book was the title!!! 😉 Love it!! and if you have struggled at times in a relationship with your mother, I think you are going to like this book too.

This is another good and helpful resource that discusses difficult relationships between a narcissistic mother and her daughter. I found it extremely helpful for my own life as many times I did not understand my relationship with my mother. I was doubtful of my own impressions of conversations/interactions with her. This book helps by discussing the issue as well as how to heal from the effects of the relationship. I highly recommend this book also.

So that rounds out my current top 5 list of reads that will help increase your happiness. Yes, it is actually getting down to the nitty gritty and looking at parts of yourself that perhaps you don’t want to but I have found to be happy you truly do need to look and then address that ugly stuff.

These resources are all super reasonably priced and to me they are certainly super worthy of so much more. They have helped me personally as well as help me help others who are hurting. Check them out 🙂

Also leave your top self-help reads in the comments below. I’m always looking for a great new book to read. 🙂

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When Daddy’s Girl is Lost……

Depression, Grief/Loss, Negative Thoughts / June 14, 2018

It’s 3:30 am and I can’t sleep. I know it eludes me because Father’s Day is rolling around this weekend. I feel a sense of dread as it’s the first one officially without my father. He passed away in the fall from dementia. Rationally I know my father has not been the normal dad I knew for many years because of the dementia. However, his loss has been crazy difficult in that now he is officially gone.

As I write this I’m not really sure where this blog post will take me as the grief journey has been difficult to say the least for me and I’m a counselor, which I find myself constantly asking myself “Shouldn’t I know how to cope with this shit effectively?”

Well who knows??? I’m trying the best I can. When you are actually sitting in your own grief it is soooo different that actually helping others process their own losses. I find myself going through the stages of grief backwards, forwards and upside down. I cry, I feel depressed and then I realize too that my dad is not suffering from dementia any longer which makes me feel better.

I guess the point of the story is I know there are a lot of people out there that are feeling the same way….lost and not sure what to do and I wanted to encourage you to know that

You are not alone (losing a parent blows no matter how you look at it)
You’re not crazy because it’s hard
Everyone does do the whole grief thing differently so do what works for you

Here are 3 ways I have found that have been helpful and yes, even at the wee hours of this morning 😉

One Day at a Time/One Moment at a Time

Which I might add some days can feel a lot harder than others. Just stay in the moment, if you feel sad, feel sad; if you feel angry, feel angry. Focus on staying in the moment and realize emotions change constantly. I find when I do this and take it moment by moment. Yes I cry for a little bit but then get back up and continue to fight on because you know what I know deep down my dad would not want me sitting around crying about losing him all day. I’m a parent and I would not want my children to do that either. Just viewing it this way helps me a lot. It must be my inner junkyard dog, that tells me enough….keep moving sister….you’re going to be just fine and dad is watching over you and smiling.

Be Proud of Yourself

To me sometimes it’s the small things that make me focus on being proud of myself because it is difficult not being able to share successes with him. After all my dad was my home grown cheering section. I always felt that I really never did anything too wrong or bad in his eyes and he always had sound advice if I had a problem.

Being proud of myself is hard at this time because it’s been so emotional. However I look at it or rationalize it or spin it this way to myself “You are dealing with losing dad. You are not a drunk mess and you are feeling emotions head on. You are working and doing what you love to do and you are trying hard to move forward and crush those goals”. When I look at the achievements even small ones without my dad here, I know that he would be proud of me and that makes me proud of myself. Sad, yes but proud all the same.

Talk to Yourself…..Out Loud

I know you’re like WTF???? What kind of counselor is she???? Well not one that’s regurgitating psycho-babble. I’m pretty down to earth as well as a wee bit eclectic in my views. I have always gleamed a little bit of info here and a little bit there from different psychological theories to form my rationale behind human behavior and what seems to work. Yes, experts, I believe there is not just one way to cope with emotions.

The way I look at It is like this…..talking to yourself is not really a problem unless of course a different voice is answering you back. Do what it takes to makes yourself feel better which to me equals all the better. Loss is difficult, and you know what if you talk to yourself and it helps so be it. I talk to myself or my father sometimes because I believe he is watching over me. I don’t hold a conversation with him but I find myself sometimes saying what he would have said.

For example, recently I was doting over my dog and immediately dad’s voice came to my mind. I found myself fondly saying to the dog “Oh Cindy, you and your little furry friends”😉 with a smile. My dad would say that to me because he knew I love animals. Yes, I’m a totally crazy dog mom. You know remembering/saying that out loud made me feel better. My advice do what works.

This whole grief thing….. it’s hard, it sucks and it can make holidays just truly blow but you can manage through it. Create a plan and take it easy on yourself. Handling our emotional self is not for the faint of heart, it can be hard.

As for me and my Father’s Day plan, I am going to take some self-care time that day which translates into cry a bit, nap a bit, watch some funny Prime probably the show, Psych (I love Shawn and Gus….so silly) and snack on some favs maybe garbage nachos you know the good kind with all bunches of cheese, sour cream, guac and just loaded with high calorie goodness…Mmmmmm… I deserve it.

I truly hope this post helps someone who may feel lost with regards to doing Father’s Day without your dad. Know that you are not alone. This Daddy’s Girl totally gets it and please just focus on self care that day. Leave your comments below on how you intend to take good care of yourself this Father’s Day.

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How Problem Solving Helps When Life Hits Hard

Depression / May 31, 2018

There are times in life when we come against challenges, issues or when life hits a spell that’s not going your way and everything is going wrong. Honestly, I hate when this happens and unfortunately, we all go through this at times. Enter problem solving even in really tough times.

The issues I’m am talking about can be big ass punches like life threatening illnesses, job loss, death, financial loss or significant relationship issues to smaller things that happen one right after the other like an unexpected bill, time management issues or a child who has gotten off course and driving you crazy with that teen attitude (yeah, if you have a teen you know the one 😉 ). When these issues hit, it is easy to sit there and think “I’m over it. I can’t take anymore of this BS, I’m done.”

When challenges appear, it is not necessarily that you have done anything wrong and typically it’s not about you. Identifying that is huge because it helps you stay away from feeling depressed and anxious which obviously can worsen with challenges. It’s taking a realistic approach to the issue and using problem solving skills.

For example, your company laid you off. Totally not your fault. The company had issues but still your mind goes into panic, freak out mode and says “how are you going to support yourself?”

Don’t Get Stuck, Buttercup

This is where people typically get stuck or forge through the challenge. I want to give you a way to continue on when you do not feel like it. It feels easier to watch tv and sleep and shut out the world. I like that idea sometimes, but that coping skill is not effective or problem solving at all. It is stuffing it down for later and chances are why you are watching that show or trying to fall asleep, you’re dwelling on the thought/problem anyways. If you do happen to fall asleep the problem is smacking you in the face as soon as you awaken.

These types of thoughts are called ruminating thoughts because they continue to play over and over in your head and typically the thoughts will start in with the initial issue and then turn on you like “you’re bad, you’re a loser, you’re broke”. Those awful thoughts that make us feel bad about ourselves and increase depression and anxiety. These are the negative thoughts that keep you stuck in worry mode and feeling awful about your situation and even worse, yourself.

Handling Your Business

The trick to getting rid of these types of thoughts is to challenge them. You need to look at the negative thought as the complete BS it is and remind yourself “well I got the last job, I can get another one.” You can remind yourself to take it one day at a time by looking at it this way “I may have a bad medical report but there are constantly new treatments and medications coming out.”

Now you may have to repeat those challenging statements over and over initially at least but at some point your brain will compute and then when a negative deal shows up, your brain will shoot it down with challenging it.

The key is you have to be willing to change your mindset because truly only you can fix your mood. I know that you do not like the mood you are feeling or you wouldn’t be reading this. We have all had difficulties with moods at times. Me too but I found if I challenged those thoughts and looked at them rationally instead of emotionally I was able to cope with them better.

Kick that Anxiety to the Curb

So if your anxious to try this remember, what do you have to lose? Absolutely nothing…you’re already feeling anxious, depressed and lousy. If panic is rising up, take a few long deep breathes and repeat “I will calm down. I have calmed down before. This negative situation/whatever will turn around. It always does.” Try listening to a guided meditation because if you focus on the person who is talking you are not focusing on the anxious thought.

If that does not work, remember there are always good mental health providers in your area. Therapists and counselors are great for providing you with support, encouragement, and validation that you are not stuck on the crazy train, no one is actually. If they do not do that for you, you need to continue to look around. That provider might not be a good fit.

A useful mental health provider can help you take apart these negative thoughts one by one and challenge it. Also they can help you learn the tools that you need to use when problem solving or when anxiety or depression come up so you can handle those thoughts/feelings and continue to move towards a life that you love.

Please leave your comments below on how you handle negative thoughts and anxiety.

If you are struggling please reach out to me below on the contact form and we can discuss what is the best move for you so that you can get back to that happy place that we all love to be in. Just put your name and email. I’m no techie so I don’t know how to get the web address off the form lol…

Smile Sunshine, your life is about to change for the better 😊 .

If you would like to learn more about handling your challenges please book your free 15 min Recovery Journey call

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Embracing Fears and Eliminating Them from Your Life

Anxiety, Depression, Negative Thoughts / May 29, 2018

Fear is a funny thing and overcoming it…not so funny. Fear can keep one trapped in a rut in life limiting your potential. Most people don’t like change. Shoot I don’t like it but I do know when you don’t change you get stalled in life where you don’t grow, you don’t move forward and basically you just exist.

We are all meant to do more than that in life. We all have a true-life purpose being here. Everyone has their own gifts, strengths and talents and when we don’t pursue them, well life appears overwhelming, depressing and just hum-drum. Depression and anxiety will mount where we are filled with regrets, wants and then fear.

Here’s a tip how to overcome that fear of change and move forward in life to fulfill your passion and achieve your full potential which in other words makes you more successful and happy.

Embrace Change

When life is not changing, and you find yourself stuck in a rut, take a risk, make a change and embrace it. Change is scary I’m not going to lie but you know what without change we don’t achieve happiness and satisfaction. Take a chance, change and pursue what you are passionate about. Now I’m not talking about changing without a plan. An action plan is something easy you can do to embrace change without crashing and burning in the process from stress.

Take your big goal whatever it may be let’s say for example starting a business, taking a risk like selling your artwork or whatever it may be. Create an action plan with baby steps to achieve that goal. For example, let’s say you are wanting to sell your art or crafts. The big goal is I want to sell my ……..(whatever it may be). Do some research. Check out Etsy and other people that are successfully selling arts or crafts like yours. Next step sign up and make a page for Etsy. Create a price or ad for your product. Go for it and list the product for sale. See the big goal has been broken down into manageable steps to achieve the big goal.

You will find when you break down a goal that will change your life into little manageable steps your life will be happier. Stress will be removed because you need to do one small step at a time in lieu of taking the big goal and feeling as if you must achieve it to obtain success. If you break it down there is no fear and anxiety because you are moving forward one step at a time. If the baby step doesn’t work that is where you re-examine it and modify that step and of course, try again.

Using this method can make you successful in any type of goal you may use to improve your life. You can use this for losing weight, exercising, eating better, pursuing an interest, etc…

Try this plan next time you fear making a change and embrace it. You will find when the big goal is broken down into action steps you will not be so overwhelmed, the issue won’t look so big and you will be able to continue to move forward. Depression and anxiety will lessen and fear….well you can say “Bye Felicia” to the fear.

Life’s too short to be anything but happy and at peace. Fear of change and success will just lead to more depression and anxiety. Take a risk and move forward one baby step at a time.

If you find fear is keeping you stuck and cemented in your place where you can’t move forward, contact me by clicking Here to get a free 30 min session by phone or Zoom. I can help you come up with the plan to move forward.

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How to Cope with Social Media Bullies

Blogging, Depression / May 22, 2018

Have you ever experienced a social media bully? You know you send out an innocent tweet, post, IG picture or blog article. Then the notification comes, ding…. you get excited someone else out there in cyberspace has responded to your post. SWEET!!! But then you look a little bit closer and your heart starts racing and anxiety goes well on fleek. It’s a negative or rude or hateful reply. If you have been on social media for a bit, I’m sure you have experienced something of that type of thing once in a while.

This post will discuss cyber bullying as it happens and not just with the kids and teens. It can happen with adults which is sad but true and can be a problem adding to any negative emotions like depression and anxiety that may already be around. It can make them feel worse. So what do we do about that?

Put It in Perspective

Don’t let a negative response ruin your day. Easier said than done right? Because we all want to be liked by others. If you get negative feedback and find yourself dwelling on the comment. Examine the user that gave that feedback. I don’t mean google them or cyberstalk. I mean look at it this way in that obviously the user who would put negative feedback out there is miserable in their own life and taking that out on you. That tweet or post hit a nerve that they have not been able to cope with effectively and they took it out on you.

Actually that quote is quite valid. Haters are gonna hate because they see something in you that they wish they were. Don’t sweat it. Take it as a compliment. You have something that others are jealous of whether that may be confidence, strength, beauty, wealth or bravery. You got it sista’ 😀 Embrace your beauty!

Bullying happens and I’ve had that experience myself. Below is an example that happened to me on YouTube.

Real Life Example

I made a video few years back. Here’s the link if you want to check it out How to Think Happy Thoughts Quickly

The video was about using affirmations to help yourself feel better and happier. For the most part it had a positive response from people but there were a handful of the negative people that did not like it and some were bold enough to but mean comments.

As this was my first time receiving negative feedback from social media, my initial reaction was shock and anger that someone would be so mean. I started to feel bad about myself like maybe I do suck.

After a few minutes of that I composed myself and immediately blocked them from the channel and deleted their remarks. I did not lower myself to respond to their childish behavior although I felt like it 😉 . I removed the remarks so I would not have to re-read them when I went to the channel. I did not want that type of trash programmed into my brain so that I felt bad about myself. After a bit I thought about the user and that they were just using me to vent their frustrations in their own life, it had nothing to do with me.

Enter Calm

Once I re-framed where that user was I was able to feel better about the negative remarks. Did I like them? No but I was able to control my temper and enter a place of sort of gentle understanding and then calm. So, it was not a complete bad deal. I felt sorry for the bully because they obviously did not know how to effectively deal with their own emotions but I was proud of myself because I didn’t take it to heart and neither should you. Bullying is not about the victim, it is about the bully being unable to cope with their own insecurities and emotional baggage.

So if you receive a negative response on one of your posts, don’t let it get you feeling bad about yourself or anxious. Do not give the bully satisfaction by responding to the negative BS. Ignore it. When the bully does not get a response, it causes them frustration. Remember delete the response so you don’t have to keep reading it and block them if you would like. It’s an added protection for you so it won’t happen again from that person.

Have you ever fallen victim to cyber bullying? If so please share below so we can all help others who are coping with this. How did you cope with it?

Also click here to subscribe to the Positive Directions Counseling YouTube Channel I try to update it with videos discussing mental health topics and coping skills that work to help alleviate feelings of depression and anxiety to live a happier more positive life.

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Taking Out Those Garbage Thoughts

Depression, Negative Thoughts / May 21, 2018

Since May is mental health awareness month, I thought I would write an article about depression. Sadly 1 in 4 people experience some type of mental health issue and I know depression is one that is a top dog and hard to manage.

Depression is characterized by feelings of sadness, lack of motivation and low self-worth that are persistent. It sometimes leads to feelings of wanting to harm oneself. It’s a dark place to be stuck in. I’ve been there, stuck there and luckily climbed out of the dark pit. It really did feel like a dark pit, but I know I’m not telling you anything new. Everyone feels depression from time to time.

My journey included attending grad school to study psychology officially because the human behavior and the brain have always interested me. Shoot I’ve been reading psych articles and books for years and it’s probably due to wanting to figure out my own emotions and why I feel the way I do sometimes. Anyways learning about depression, I found a heavy emphasis on use of antidepressants, which according to research has been very helpful for people. I agree sometimes medication can be helpful. However, I have also found personally I might add that sometimes it just isn’t enough or maybe I felt so depressed I didn’t notice that I was not feeling less depressed. Hard to know really when your own brain is being affected.

To make a long paragraph short, I wanted to share a skill that I learned along my journey that have been useful. By now you have probably figured out I am a very down to earth counselor/life coach, and as such truly only recommend skills I know that work. They have worked in my own life as well as others.

Of course, seeking a mental health professionals recommendation prior to starting anything is prudent and a good idea. They may recommend medication, but just remember there is no “magic pill” to solve all your mood problems. I view psychiatry as a mixture of medications if recommended and useful skills to implement any significant change. Many times, the negative mood states can be changed effectively without the need for medication but sometimes medication is helpful.

An effective coping skill that I have found for depression is basically identifying and correcting negative thought patterns. We all have negative thoughts from time to time. Much of the day actually is filled with negative “garbage” chatter is what I call it filling your head with negative thoughts like “you’re not good enough, you’re stupid, you’re worthless, you’re never right, you’re too fat, you’re ugly, you’re so old”….and the list goes on and on right? Ever had those types of thoughts. We all have.

Here is a strategy that I would like you to try the next time that garbage enters your mind and it is called thought stopping. It is actually where you catch the thought and stop it and how you do that is….yes stop it by thinking in your head “nope not today. That’s BS I’m not dwelling on that thought” and then you put the second step into action which is challenging that negative thought. By that I mean you challenge it. Is it valid? Is it true? Let’s look at these examples of garbage thoughts and how I would challenge them.

Garbage Thought	Challenge Thought
“You’re not good enough”	“I’m the only (your name) Cindy Athey there is and I’m the best Cindy Athey there is. I’m an original”
“You’re stupid”	“I make mistakes sometimes we all do. I’ve never met a perfect person.”
“You’re worthless”	“I have worth. I’m a mom, I’m a hard worker. I’m a good friend”
“You’re never right”	“I’m typically more right than I’m wrong. Everyone makes mistakes”
“You’re too fat”	“I’m the best me I can be right now”
“You’re ugly”	“I’m a lovely original. One of a kind”
“You’re so old”	“My years of experience have served me well & do I really want to be 20 again? Yeah…. no way….that’s always being impulsive and broke”

Give this strategy a try because it does work. It takes practice because some of these negative thoughts have been in there for quite a long time. I found once I started changing these thoughts my mood improved and so will yours. I recommend coming up with at least 5 garbage thoughts. Try to use the ones that are on automatic replay in your mind and come up with challenging statements to discount them. Practice makes perfect and once you have tried this long enough you will find that the negative thoughts come into your mind less and less. Also if one does slip through and come up, you will quickly be able to discount it and go on with your day.

Please leave comments about your garbage thoughts and how you have eliminated them. I am always looking for new ideas to help others. Also if you have any questions please feel free to reach out to me.

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