Depression

Finding Happiness – It’s Not as Impossible as You Think

Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Happiness, Relapse Prevention, Relationships /

When I meet with client’s that are early in recovery from substance abuse or mental health issues, the main topic or goal that they typically want help with is finding happiness.  Tall order, right? Well yes, but really not as elusive as you might think.  Happiness can be achieved, and I wouldn’t be saying that if I didn’t get there myself.    

Happiness which is defined by Webster as the “state of well-being and contentment” can feel overwhelmingly unachievable to some because they feel so miserable, sad, overwhelmed, stressed out and well, just plain overwhelmed in their life presently.  There are ways you can find true contented happiness and it really isn’t that difficult to do but it does take some work on your part. 

Stay in the Moment

The only part of your life that you can truly change is this present moment.  You cannot change the past and you really can’t predict the future, not totally anyways.  It all depends on what you are doing now in the present moment. 

A way to find contentment is being content in the present moment.  Will you ever feel bad?  Of course, you will but you are truly the only one who can change that reality as you are the only one who can elicit changes in your life or reality as you perceive it. 

For example, if I am having a bad day, you know the type because we all have them from time to time in which you really want a do-over because everything that can go wrong has gone wrong, embrace it, laugh it off and push through it. 

Guess what? In 24 hours that day will have gone by and you will be in the next day – essentially your do-over.  So during the rough day, take a deep breath and persevere.  It will get better but you have to get your mindset that way. 

Be OK with Being by Yourself

Many people are afraid of being alone.  I am talking about the people who are not in a relationship or perhaps the empty nesters where the kids are out of the house on their own.  Many people I speak with do not like being by themselves which can make someone feel more depressed, more apt to relapse (mentally or physically) and that’s not good. 

People are fearful of being by themselves because they are bored or lonely.  Embrace your alone time.  Get reconnected with yourself during this period because this is only a period and apt to change.  Do things that you enjoy or used to enjoy by yourself.  Journal about your feelings.  If you don’t like being alone, google clubs or groups in your area that have get-togethers that interest you and then attend one. 

Alone time is a gift because it lets you de-stress, have some down time from interactions with others that can negatively effect your mood.  Ever be around toxic people that drag down your mood?  Yes, I have and to be honest I’d rather be alone napping or reading a great book or something than being with the negative people who mentally drain me. 

Look for the Positives Even in the Negatives

So remember for every positive there is a negative and in turn every negative has a positive if you look for it.  Went through a bad relationship break-up?  I’m sure if you look at the relationship as a whole there were some good times and some bad times. 

Find the lesson in that negative, there is one.  It could be you did not stand up for yourself and were manipulated.  It could be just not a good fit but you were lonely and jumped into it.  Whatever the lesson figure it out so it doesn’t get repeated and form more negative stress in your life.

Life is great at repeating the lesson if it is not learned.  So while you are having that alone time, identify what are the lessons?  What are the positive takeaways from the experience?  They are there.  Commit to yourself that you will not repeat the lessons and check those off the list of learned. 

If you find you try these and nothing gets better, you may want to seek out counseling to help you with this.  But as you know, Rome wasn’t built in a day so give them a real chance to work.  You will see positive changes and I am only saying that as one previous negative thinker who was able to change my view to embrace a state of well being and contentment aka happiness.  I can honestly say that it took some work to overcome past darkness but it can be done with concentrated effort.

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Shame Sucks During the Holidays & How to Get Thru It

Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Negative Thoughts, Self-Care /

This article is for anyone early in recovery and possibly slipped up yesterday.  Today is the day after Christmas and I really felt strongly to discuss this topic because anyone who has relapsed/slipped up or made a totally BIG mistake in life, totally knows the shame it involves the following day and you know what no matter how you slice it, SHAME SUCKS!!!!

So to get down to basics, I don’t really feel like I need to define shame because anyone who has felt that bad feeling kinda already gets it.  It is the worst feeling imaginable.  It’s that kind of feeling in which you are feeling super embarrassed over your behavior and worse don’t even understand why the behavior occurred or that you are not as good as anyone else. 

Examples of behavior that induces feelings of shame that come to mind are like

  • Sleeping with a one night stand because you went to a bar and met somebody and you were feeling lonely or thinking no one loves you
  • Sneaking or having “just one” drink, pill or blunt feeling no one will know you’re drunk or high (and unfortunately guess what…they totally do….)
  • Perhaps spending too much money when you know you can’t pay your electric bill but hey, that family member needs the latest and greatest cool new tech thingamabob or they won’t love me or think I’m successful if I don’t get it for them.

Those examples I know harsh but I’m thinking totally realistic and guess what as a straight shooter and former shame-based thinker and totally not into or liking psychobabble fluff (big words that no one understands) figure that’s easier to understand. 

When you look at those examples you can see other things were going on (loneliness, wanting to fit in or needing approval from others as well as validating life success). 

So how do you change that, so you don’t have to feel like that.  It’s called good ole’ introspection/self-discovery my friend and it’s kind of hard work.  Ugggghhhhh who wants that?  I know but until it’s looked at and discovered why you do the things that you do, it will stay the same and you don’t want that. 

Also nothing of value comes without hard work (my grandpa told me that 🙂 ).

Without having to commit to years and years of psychotherapy here are some quick ways to help identify and minimize shame-based behaviors/attitudes and thinking. Examine the last big mistake and look at what was going on before it occurred.  Look at your thoughts, what was your mood like?

Make a list of 3 top negative thoughts you want to change that goes through your head when these behaviors typically occur (pick the ones that you know that typically play on repeat…. )

Once you have those written down, challenge those thoughts. I’ll list some examples of how I would challenge the thoughts

I’ll list some examples of how I would challenge the thoughts

  •   Thought:  “I feel lonely and can probably find someone here at the bar.” 

Rational challenge thought– “Seriously can a healthy relationship happen from a bar when both people are drunk?”

  • Thought:  “I can just have one drink it’s the holidays”   

Rational challenge thought – “Play the tape out 1 drink leads to 8 drinks which leads to doing dumb shit.”  (Ok total pass for me, tried the “only 1 drink” approach too many times and it doesn’t work 😉 )

  • Thought:  “They really want that Xbox and I want to be a good mom.”

Rational challenge thought– “If I buy the new Xbox, I can’t pay the electric bill and then they can’t play the Xbox because it won’t work without the electricity.”

The key to challenging this stuff is get ahead of it.  If you know that your family/friends are going to have a bunch of booze, pills, weed, judgements, plan ahead.  When it occurs, use refusal skills such as “I don’t drink.”, “I’m taking other medications” or if it’s an offhand rude comment, mentally say “Ignore it. They are being insecure because people that judge others are insecure people.” 

I know this is like a quick fix band aid and won’t cure the shame ailment completely, but I can promise you if you work on it a little bit at a time, it will get better and it does get better.  You start making better choices, which equals better actions and creates more inner strength which works on getting shame-based thinking to the curb.   

Well I hope this quick article helps someone out there who may be struggling with feeling bad during the holidays.  I understand and have been there so that’s why I know these strategies work.  I’ve tried them and have succeeded at staying sober and sane which is my holiday wish for you.  If you try them and they don’t then perhaps seeking the advice of a mental health professional may be appropriate.

Please comment below if you have any questions or ways you beat those crappy shame feelings when they come up.

Tips on how to cope with feelings of shame during the holidays when around others

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5 Tips to Help You Avoid a Holiday Relapse

Addiction, Depression, Negative Thoughts, Problem Solving /
Gotta love family drama and fights that even occur during the  holiday season

Many people struggle in their recovery from substance abuse or mental health issues during this time of the year.  I am writing this article to help those who are struggling gain some more strength in their recovery and avoid or minimize the risk for a relapse.  

1. Most Families are Dysfunctional (always top one on my list 🙁 )

Remember most families are dysfunctional in some manner so you have to get good at ignoring bad behaviors

  • Example:  When someone calls you the Black Sheep of the family or say something inappropriately like “when did you get out of jail again?” while everyone is waiting on Grandma to cut the pies.
  • The best way to deal with this is IGNORE it.  They are putting you down because they are insecure, just being rude and unhappy with their own life.

2. Play the tape out

  • Is one drink, blunt or illicit Xanax worth the possibility of sitting in jail???? or even giving up that hard earned sobriety or clean time.  The answer is NO!!!!
  • You have worked really hard to get where you are so do not self-sabotage yourself.  You’d be surprised how many people unfortunately cannot do this 🙁
  • REMINDER FOR COURT ORDERED CLIENTS: The day after a long holiday weekend is a HUGE drug testing week and yes, they do test for alcohol

3. Create an Exit Plan before you go to the event

  • Plan a get-away (store runner), excuse (yes, I’m ok with lying for this if it keeps you sober/clean) use the kids, head ache or gotta go check on the dog…..whatever it is, it’s all good 😊  or perhaps use that darn work is making me go in as an excuse to get a plate and take it with you 😉

4.  If it’s too hard to stay clean and sober,  go to a meeting

  • AA and NA meetings will be going 24 hours/day so check out your local club because it will be better than hanging with the family who make you feel bad about yourself or by yourself
  • Call your sponsor

5. Focus on Self-Care

  • Let’s be real sometimes the holly jolly BS can get too much, it is perfectly ok to say no to some functions if you feel it will jeopardize your recovery and do something else.   That is called self-awareness and setting healthy boundaries especially if you know you will be around cousin so and so the family drug go to guy or pot head.  You know the one who always has something because pretty much all families have that person.

So that rounds out my top 5 tips to minimize a potential for relapse.  If you have more tips please leave them below.  Also if you are struggling please reach out there is no shame in asking for help when you need it because you know what we all need that from time to time.  

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Why Meditation Should Be Your Jam

Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Self-Care /
Meditation is easy to do and helps improve your mood
https://cindythecounselor.com/book-a-session-addiction-therapist/

I have unfortunately always been the “nervous type worry wart”☹ as my mother would tell me.  I typically worried about this and that, stressed about life in general which did not make me a happy camper by any stretch of the imagination. 

I found meditation a little over a year ago and it has been a complete game changer in my life.  I wanted to share meditations benefits with you and encourage you to give it a try because it has honestly changed my life and in an awesome way.

Now initially I was like “hmmmmmm no flippin’ way can I clear my ADD brain of swirly whirly thoughts like EVVVVVEEEERRRR”.  With A.D.D. (Attention Deficit D/O) I find that at times thoughts can be going high speed and it is difficult to calm down so clearing my mind, to be real- I was a complete doubter. 

I thought it was a bunch of hippie (peace-light-love) BS.  Oh and BTW if you are into that hippie (peace-light-love) stuff that’s cool but it’s just not my personality probably due to a life time of stress and worry 😉.

 So here’s the exciting part of this post, it actually worked and here’s what happened for me: 

  • I was able to relax 😊
  • I was able to sleep easier and longer (soooo awesome!!!!)
  • I was able to NOT focus on worries or thoughts that had been bothering me andfeel relaxed
  • I was able to feel more grounded
  • And the best part I know I became more pleasantto be around (let’s be real, stressed out = more irritable)

I started small because honestly, I did not want to waste a bunch of time on something that did not work. I was already stressed out and over committed so who has time to waste with meditation/napping as I initially thought.  (enter big ole’ eye roll, silly Cindy ha..ha..) 

Anyways I found a channel on YouTube that was about everyone has 4 minutes to meditate or something to that effect and I started with that.  The instructor was pleasant and did guided meditation which was cool. 

Initially I found my mind/thoughts saying to myself during the first one for sure “seriously this doesn’t work it’s stupid.  I don’t feel relaxed…” and the list continued in a negative fashion, but I stuck with it. I would do it daily and I found that sitting or laying down relaxing for a few minutes did make me feel calmer and have a better attitude. 

Sooooo fast forward a year or 2 and here I am.  I now meditate daily.  I have downloaded the app, Calm out of the Google Playstore and use that on my phone.  I listen if I am particularly having a stressful day or at night to the sleep stories to help fall asleep quicker. 

It really does work and if you find yourself a doubter but having issues with anxiety, bad attitude or depression what is the harm in giving it a try for a few days. 

Here’s the link to the YouTube channel I started with https://www.youtube.com/bexlife

Give it a try.  I would love to hear your thoughts below. Does meditation work for you? Have you seen an improvement in your mood?

If you would like to learn more about meditation click here and book your free 15 min recovery strategy call

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How to Cope with Grief and the Holidays When It Just Totally Blows

Addiction, Depression, Grief/Loss, Negative Thoughts, Self-Care /

grief can be difficult during the holidays
I like this for social media posts because it will explain my “MIA” status since I typically try to stay away from FB during this time.

In the end of 2017 & early 2018, I lost both parents, and this is the real first holiday season when I can’t speak to one of them.  Thanksgiving and Black Friday just passed which was important to them and grief during the holidays well it’s hard.

My father was one of those 4 am Black Friday wait in the line shoppers, so I fondly remember times when he and my nephew would wait for hours for the best deal on anything tech at the local Best Buy.  My mother was a big time Black Friday shopper also.  She would always update me on her latest great deals/finds that day.

grief is particularly difficult when you lose your parents
My parents a few years ago before their deaths. This pic makes me smile and it’s probably because you can see where I found my love of desserts. I truly miss them

Anyways this past weekend has been tough on me, so I figured I would share how I have been able to stay sane and somewhat cope with the overwhelming emotions that this time of year brings to people who are coping with grief and the holidays without resorting to alcohol or drugs.  (Booze was my go to thing for a long while & I consider myself lucky to get free from it’s ugly clutches)

Soooooo if you are finding yourself depressed, sad, angry, unable to cope this list is for you 😊

  • Cry if you have too. It’s better to deal with emotions than bottle them up.
  •  
  • Eat plenty of things you love this time of year when you want it. (I’m thinking pumpkin pie for breakfast with a bunch of cool whip – Yummy & Completely Awesome!!! )
  •  
  • Focus on self-care. If you can’t sleep at night, take a nap during the day.  Be kind to yourself because this is very hard.
  •  
  • Watch a funny holiday movie. I’m thinking of Elf.  I watched it yesterday and it always brings a smile to my face until the end because it’s touching and then I typically get teary eyed or cry.  Damn holiday movies!  I totally avoid Hallmark and Lifetime during this season for real.
  •  
  • Avoid people & parties that will have booze, weed or Xanax. It’s just better to bow out before a bad decision is made and you feel guilty or shame about the bad choice after the fact.
  •  
  • Decorate the house or distract yourself with hanging those darn Christmas lights. Untangling the mess will distract you for a bit 😉  they are always tangled or at least mine are.
  •  
  • Buy yourself something nice for Black Friday even something small like new, super soft slippers they are always on sale cheap somewhere.

Ok for those of you that are thinking isn’t she pushing stuffing my emotions with stuff, food and such.  Well for me, it works because I have battled with disordered eating most of my life.  When I get upset, I typically don’t eat and that’s not good for me (too much weight loss).

So during this time my plan is totally prioritize eating what I like, when I want it as well as some healthy habits like vitamins and such because if I don’t I resort back to the old habits of not eating anything because of overwhelming emotions and the dark spiral of negative thoughts begins.

Also if you are reading this article, people that have issues with substances or eating disorders typically put others first which is nice because of the season of giving but realistically it typically is to the detriment of themselves (codependency).

In other words, you do not focus on yourself being healthy but focus on others to the extreme.  With that being said, I focus on me because hey, this is a tough part of the year for me so I will focus on being kind to myself as well as others but the priority is me.

grief can be tough during the holidays

In summary, the main way to make the holiday season go a bit smoother for you is to focus on self-care.  It means to make yourself the priority in a healthy way.

If you are struggling with grief and the holidays know that you are totally not alone, I get it unfortunately truly I do.  Make a care plan for yourself whatever it may be and leave your comments below on what your plan is to be healthy during this season.  Take care of yourself!  We will get through this 😊

If you would like to discuss how to cope when grief strikes, click here to book your free 15 min recovery strategy call 

You can learn more about me on my LinkedIn profile

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Mental Health & Tech: Is it really that good for you?

Negative Thoughts /

mental health is important to think about with regards to your tech usage

I read an article recently somewhere that said the average American spends 24 hours per week on their phone.  When I read that and immediately said “WHAT!!!! No Way” and then shortly thereafter checked my IG feed 😉  So I really then thought about it later and wondered how that effects someones mental health.  

I am one that loves tech.  I grew up the daughter of a computer engineer, so tech has been in my life my entire life.  However, when I sit and ponder that statistic, a whole day out of the week is looking at the phone, honestly it shocks me and not in a good way.

I know they constantly are doing mental health research on the effects of social media with regards to mood.  I also have read that people who are on social media most of the time are typically more depressed which makes sense to me because if my head is buried in my screen chances are I’m not interacting with the world around me.

So I decided to write this to help those that are let’s be honest on the ‘Gram or FB too much and are not feeling that good about themselves.  One can find motivation and inspiration from your social media feed.  However, beware there are also posts, tweets or pics that can invoke a not so good mood in which you find yourself more depressed, anxious and angry.  I have a few tips to help when one is feeling more negative than positive as a result of looking at their phone.

Balance is the key to good mental health

It’s All About Balance

Yes, they say “Life’s A Balance” and it is true.  When life gets out of balance that is when people are at a higher risk for relapse.  Whatever relapse means to you which could include drug and alcohol use, feeling depressed or anxious, feeling bad about yourself or getting back into the throes of an eating disorder.

Take a general look at the feeds or posts you generally see on whatever platform you are on.  Consider are they the complainers, the people that are always updating you on how much their life sucks and this boyfriend/girlfriend did this or the completely obscure attention seeking “This has been the worst day ever” post which doesn’t explain why or even the beautiful models that has your head screaming inside “Geez I’m fat.” when you’re totally not.

Look for healthy people to help your mental health

Pause Those Negative Energy Vampires

As a counselor, I encourage people to look at who they are typically hanging around because “you are what you eat” per se.  If you hang around or look at negativity all day, chances are you will be more negative and view your life more negatively.  If you hang around more positive people and read more motivational and inspirational type posts, chances are you will have a more inspired, gratitude filled outlook on your life.  What you put into your mind does affect your mood whether that be positive or negative.  That is why it truly is all about balance.

For example, in my own life, if the negative Nancy’s (sorry any Nancy’s out there) or energy suckers are showing up too much I either unfollow them or the cool thing on Facebook is I can put them on a 30 day pause type function.  They typically are extremely draining, and I find if I read or look at too much of that I do not feel inspired or motivated and pretty quickly my mood turns negative (poor mental health).  The way I look at it in 30 days when they start showing up in the feed again if their mood/posts still appear negative I can quickly unfollow or pause again.

Ditch the News (Sorry Cable Company People) 

So if you are one of those people that watch the news every day, consider how that effects your mood. For me, I had to ditch the cable and get a firestick.  I do not watch the news and I typically say “I am happily, completely uninformed.”  I do care about what is going on in the world but I feel I get enough news off social media or in my email already to feel “in the know”.

I was one of those watch the news everyday type of people to see the weather but found the longer the 30 minute program was on, the angrier and more depressed I became.  What I found out was that I ended up not liking the area I lived in.  This has happened a few times in moving around the country and I had to take a look at seriously the areas are not that bad and there is good in each location.  However, at the time you would have thought those places were the worst ever to live in.

So for the past 4-5 years I have not watched the news aside from local stuff when hurricanes are coming through town but even with that I limit it because I found if I tuned in to the weather guy 24/7 before the storm, my fear/anxiety would kick into high gear waiting for the hurricane cone to shift and I found myself somewhat panicked feeling and like I must brave the crowds at Walmart to buy more water, batteries and bread even though I have a hurricane kit filled with plenty of supplies.  It was complete panic irrational thoughts.

Key Take Aways

So the take away of this post is to ask yourself these questions:  “How long am I on my phone each day? What am I reading or looking at each day?  Are the posts more negative or positive?” and then make some changes for your mental health.  Any depression, anxiety, thoughts of relapse will be minimized if you fill your mind with the right stuff, find tech balance and make small changes.  You will find your recovery will stay more on track and filled with hope.

If you need some help putting together a tech detox, click the  link to book your Free 15 min recovery strategy call 

You can learn more about me on my LinkedIn profile

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The Miracle that Comes after a Relationship Meltdown

Happiness, Problem Solving, Relationships, Self-Esteem /

Learn the positives of a relationship ending

Has your confidence ever been down or seems to not exist lately and especially after a break up or relationship meltdown? You know you feel like you can’t do anything right and especially after an important relationship in your life comes to a crashing end where you feel like the rug has totally, completely been pulled out from under you.

Well no worries, I have a way that will help you make better decisions next time cupid rolls into town as well as eliminate the low self-esteem, inner negative self-talk and low confidence that happens after a toxic relationship has ended.

People are all human and going to make mistakes, you are, I am and even the person you trusted and thought was “the one, your everything” will make mistakes. It’s just human nature. No one is perfect and one needs to accept that fact. Sometimes relationships don’t work out for many reasons such as the other person isn’t ready for one, you aren’t ready for one or it’s just fate, you two are not good together and that is what I am calling a relationship meltdown.

Stop Living in the Past 

I have learned you can’t remain in the past of the should have’s, would have’s or could have’s. It’s not healthy for you. One needs to accept the relationship ended, and if you’re reading this post it probably ended not in a good way, but the point is you need to continue to move forward.

Don’t get stuck in blaming yourself, the other person or just life in general. Life doesn’t suck, everything will be ok and it is what it is. The main point is to make sure you continue to move on, move forward even a baby step at a time but just forward and not backwards, stuck in the past.

I speak with people all the time who are stuck in the past and it’s sad…oh so sad. These people are dwelling on irrational thoughts of a failed relationship. They continue to stare at the relationship as if it was a Cinderella story when in fact it was closer to Kim and Kanye, a relationship meltdown. Yeah, a hot mess.

Use Your Inner Magnifying Glass

When examining why a relationship went bad, it is extremely important not to romanticize it and view it realistically. There were clues it wasn’t going right. Come on you saw it didn’t you? They were pretty neon bright, right? Your gut or intuition was probably telling you all along something wasn’t right.   In a good relationship, you don’t have to try so hard. It should not be painful or at the very least feel like you are putting more into it than the other person.

So here’s the part how you can get your head back in the game and the way to do that is to identify the pattern. There is always a pattern.  By that I mean a pattern of issues which you can see if you look closely enough at yourself.  Yes, I said yourself and not the other person.

I know that blows because who wants to admit they were part of an unhealthy relationship.  But seriously I did it and it became quite clear that for me, it boiled down to low self-esteem, insecurity, dreaded self-hate or sabotage.

In each of these relationships, my own inner guide or intuition told me “don’t do it, it doesn’t feel right” but then that darn emotional “I wanna be loved” voice started talking and it all seemed well romantic.

Anyways once I grasped the part of what my own inner issues were, I could see where the relationships were not right to begin with and the funny thing is I knew that the whole time.  The relationships were completely built out of insecurity, anxiety, perfectionism, my own inner character flaws.

So……Drop the Resentment and Bitterness

Anyways for a while I blamed the guy because any ending relationship stings.  It hurts and you get knocked down off the confidence ladder but once I determined the underlying theme of the guys,  got rid of the resentments towards them and came to terms with the “It is what it is” or more so “they are who they are” of the situation (reality) and person.   I found I was ok with the lessons I learned because they are lessons….life lessons that made me the stronger person I am today.

I learned that I would be just fine. I learned to always listen to my gut (intuition) and of course look at the pattern because there always is one. Yeah the guy or girl may not look the same as the last one but down deep there are similarities in thoughts, actions and themes. If you look with your inner magnifying glass it will be crystal clear at some point and that is very enlightening and helpful.

Finally if you need help in this area, please reach out to me.  Sometimes it is just good to hear an impartial point of view on a situation. 

Need some help,  click this link to book a free 15 min recovery strategy call and let’s talk about it.

You can learn more about me on my LinkedIn profile

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How to End that Negative Mindset Quickly

Negative Thoughts /

You can change your negative mindset just by changing a few things

Negative mindset… fun topic right?  Not really but a lot of people seem to get stuck in a negative mindset and especially when life is not going the way a person expects.  When you suffer from a mental health issue such as depression or anxiety, negativity kind of comes with the package right?

Have you ever seen a happy depressed person? No not really because although a depressed person may fake a persona of happiness they really are not and their body language and especially their facial expressions will tell the tale.

Sometimes counselors and heck, I’ve even suggested the “fake it to you make it” mindset once in a while but let’s get real…. It works for a bit and then reverts to negative, depressed and anxious again.  I have a few tips that will help you change your negative mindset back to being happier, more content and then happiness will come and peace will come. 😊

Who Do You Spend the Most Time With?

So the first tip is to look at who you are predominately around most of the day.  If the people are negative and irritable, you will more than likely be negative and irritable.  It only makes sense.  Like attracts like or at least like makes you more like them.

Think about limiting time with negative people because they really do drain your energy and change your mindset.  These types of people are not fun to be around.  I call them energy vampires because they suck any positive energy right out of you.

A Tiny Speck of Gratitude Goes A Long Way

When feeling negative it is hard to see good things in your life but there is a way to feel better and it’s using gratitude.  Make a list of things you are grateful for.

To me I can recite that I am grateful for family and friends and I really am but I don’t include them on the list because they seem like a given.  I try to figure out other things.

I will give you a quick example list of 5 things I am grateful for off the top of my head.

  1. My dog’s wagging tail when I get home
  2. That I have a running water available whenever I want (most of the World does not)
  3. Clean sheets (I love getting into bed with clean sheets in the summer….delightful)
  4. That I have a car that can take me wherever I want especially when I see people walking or waiting for the bus
  5. That my needs are pretty much taken care of. I may want things but hey I don’t really need anything

So my advice, leave the family and friends off the list and make a random list of other things you are grateful for.  You will feel more content and positive when you see all of the things in your life you do have and watch your mood change in a positive way.

Get Back into Things You Used to Love to Do

Remember those old hobbies that you used to participate in when you had the time.  I get it, life is busy, running from one thing to the next and even with kids in the house it can be difficult to find some time but there is a reason you need to re-connect yourself with the things you love to do, it will help change your mood to more positive.

If you can’t come up with a hobby or activity, think of things that you used to enjoy doing in which the time flies by.  For me, it’s painting.  I had not painted in 10-15 years but got reconnected and I forgot how much I enjoy it and get into “the zone”.  It will feel like 15 minutes but really 2 hours will go by.  Take a look at Pinterest for ideas for your hobby.

You may still be saying “I don’t have the time.”  This is where you get out your calendar and schedule some time for yourself.  It is very important that you spend some quality time for yourself by yourself.  It doesn’t have to be a long period of time like hours I mean that is hard to carve out of a busy schedule but perhaps 30 minutes.  You will see when you start participating in things you used to like to do, you will look forward to that time and protect that part of your schedule for YOU.

So in summary, when looking to change your negative mindset to a more positive one, take a hard look at who you spend a majority of your time with and make changes.  Think about what you are grateful for and re-connect with yourself and doing things you love to do.  If you put these tips into practice, your depressed, negative mindset will make wonderful changes and your mindset will change for the better.

If you would like some help changing your negative mindset into a more positive one, book a free 15 min Recovery Journey call.  

To learn more about me, check out my LinkedIn profile

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The Best Ways I Have Found to Stay Positive

Anxiety, Depression /

The best ways to be positive

I decided to write this blog post because I know how hard it can be to keep a positive mindset when things aren’t going your way and sometimes I find this difficult even with being a counselor.  😉  Yes, many times life is challenging for us in the field too.

I must say I have learned what to do when I find myself having negative thoughts about challenges or circumstances so that I can quickly change it around but it has taken time and practice.

So here are some ideas that I find helpful and I truly hope they help you too 😊:

  1.    I repeat sayings/quotes that remind me that problems don’t last forever

This technique is helpful because guess what all problems are temporary and especially when I take the emotional aspects out of it.  Also I find just by saying these out loud or even to myself get me out of that emotional brain and back into the rational one.

A key tip that I use is post motivational quotes on index cards or post it notes around my house.  They are hanging on my bathroom mirror and over the coffee maker 😉

  • Few examples:
    • “This won’t last forever.”
    • “Problems are temporary.”
    • “You’re overthinking this.”

2)      I  read something about being positive

This is helpful to me because typically after a few minutes of reading I find myself feeling much better about the situation.

  • My Recent Fav’s  ( I just read both and they are very good)

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3)     I listen to a guided meditation and take a nap

Yes, I know this is sort of like avoiding a problem but it does get me out of my head and focusing/listening to the voice of the meditation for a little bit.  I find I can easily relax and typically fall asleep which is fine because I find if I am not well rested, problems look extremely bigger and more frustrating than they really are in reality.

  • My Fav’s

I currently use the App called Calm but Headspace is another good one. You can find these in your phone’s play store.

4)    Finally I let go!

This is a game changer when you let go of things outside of your control.  Initially it takes time to get regular at doing this but if you find that a problem is overwhelming remind yourself what actually is within your control?  Very little really.

Also do what you can to fix the issue and once that you have done that let it go.  I truly believe God, the Universe or whomever is your higher power will take it from there.

Also remember it all goes back to the fact that all problems are temporary and focus on taking good care of yourself while you are waiting for the situation to change.

I truly hope these suggestions helps someone because I know they help me  now that I have implemented them into my day.  I have found that problems or circumstances that I don’t understand do not upset me for as long as they used too and I no longer find myself being a depressed, anxious mess.

Give them a try and let me know below how you remain positive when life is not going your way or seems overwhelming.

If you would like some help with learning to be more positive, click here to book your free 15 min recovery strategy call

To learn more about me, check out my LinkedIn profile

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The Secret of Why Your Life Is Like a Fish tank

Anxiety, Depression, Happiness, Negative Thoughts, Self-Esteem /

Life is like a fish tank & how stress can happen

I was reading a book by Joyce Meyer recently (see below) and just completed it the other night.  A super quick read which I totally love when I like a book enough to blast through it.  Anyways part of my relaxation/sleep routine is read a few pages before bedtime.  It helps me get in the chill zone.

There was an analogy in the book about life being like a fish tank.  I wanted to share this insight with you because actually it has been helpful to me and one of those “Ahhhhh” moments in my life.   🙂

In the book and I’m totally paraphrasing but the main point was look at your life like a fish tank.  It will reflect how healthy you are.

So here is an exercise:

Shut your eyes and think of a big fish tank, you know the 50 gallon type that are typically in the Doctor’s office what do you see?

I see beautiful clear water with bubbles, all types of bright, vibrant colored fish swimming around, cool tank décor and then lots of healthy looking plants.  It looks peaceful and relaxing.  Do you see that? Can you hear the sound?  I sure do and love looking at tanks like this.

Now at the opposite end of the spectrum is the sick fish tank ☹.  How can you tell that tank is sick and has not been maintained or is overall doing poorly?  The tank has cloudy water, algae on the glass and all over the tank.  The fish are floating belly up or not really moving around and hanging out on the bottom of the tank barely moving.  Can you picture that?  I can….it looks sick and unkempt.

In the same way, our life or environment which is a main contributor to our mental health and moods are like a fish tank.  It takes a bit of work to maintain a fish tank in good working order and guess what the same goes for you and your mental health.

In a healthy fish tank, the water temperature and quality need to be right.  It’s a fine balance.  There also needs to be compatible fish in the tank.

When a fish tank is not in balance, what happens?  The fish fight and don’t survive (sometimes somebody eats the other ☹ ☹ ).  It’s quite a struggle.

In the same way, when life becomes unbalanced whether it’s having toxic, unsupportive people around you and the self-care slips, it causes a problem to your mind, body and spirit.    Depression, anxiety and stress can become overwhelming.

However, when one identifies underlying issues like dysfunctional relationships, puts themselves as the priority and corrects negative mindsets, they become happier and stress well when it occurs is easily handled.

So my question to you is how is your tank???? Is it beautiful and relaxing or sick and unkempt?

Here are some questions to ask yourself about your own situation?

  • Is your home or work environment peaceful, inviting and relaxing or messy, stressful and dirty?
  • What are the state of your relationships? Are they supportive and fun or toxic and demotivating?
  • Do you take care of yourself or do you find yourself not having enough time for that in your day?

Answering these questions will help you be able to determine what can be tweaked so that you are happier and less depressed or anxious.

Sooooo let me know in the comments below what you discovered.

If you need some help with managing stress and self-care, click here to book a free 15 min recovery journey call

To learn more about me check out my LinkedIn profile

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